Time to become a warrior.

Ive only really known for a about a week and that’s because I’ve done some research and when you research things to do with cancer and particular my prognosis you find stuff you just don’t want to find. suppose I knew anyway but just pretended not to. As they say it is what is, I’ve got advanced stage 4 cancer. It’s metastatic which means it ain’t good.👎 I knew it was not good a while ago I just didn’t really realise just how not good is not good. 🤔

Fuck that’s hard to write and I apologise for the swear word but I think I deserve to use one or two every now and then, as long as my mum doesn’t read it. Do you know I’ve sworn all my life but never ever in front of my mum. Respect your mum’s you should not swear in front of them.🌷

Well stage 4 to me is just a number now, I’m aware it may well shorten my life and rob me of the chance to see my Ella and Nieve grow up so I’ve got a lot of work to do either to make sure that don’t happen or prepare them for life with out me.😭

Need to take a moment here, what have I just said. Serious stuff huh.🤔

As serious as it is I refuse point black to be pulled into any black hole, in fact this is actually going to do the opposite to me. I’m going towards the light and keeping there.☀️

All it really means is I’ve got a bit less time to cure myself and that is my aim.💚

I’ve been reading stories of many people who have survived stage 4 cancer, I’m filling my head with their positivity, I’m plugging myself into the stage 4 survival grid and I’m staying there untill this is over.🙏

I don’t want anyone reading this blog to be in doubt, I’m not lying down I’m not crying or unhappy I’m just the same as I was before just with a little change in the time table of life and that’s it. ⭐

I will still have kind chats with my cancer when possible but I’m taking the leading role and cancers NOT giving the orders from now on because there is simply too much at stake here.

Most of my life I’ve been the type of person who wasn’t great at standing up for him self, in fact you might say I’m a bit of a wuss, I would always avoid confrontation if I could, I only ever had one fight in my 55 years and that was a staged one outside the school where neither of us really wanted to fight anyway. I’ve been a peace maker though more times than I can remember and ironically been slapped in that role a few times, hell I think sometimes it’s bracer to be a peace maker 🕊️ but now is different I’m standing up for me and my family. When you get the word family in your battle you get even stronger.

I have a sense of purpose of which I can’t fail. Love of family and love of life. Nothing else matters now.

I’m wearing an armour of love kindness positivity and gratitude. Yes I’m still grateful, at least I have the opportunity to fight back.🥊

Writing this blog actually is incredibly powerful I can actual feel the life force moving through me as I type the words. Is it just bravado is it just words on a paper, no it’s real because when you are fighting for your life it has to be real, it can’t be just words. 

Now tonight before I sleep I’m going to have a little one to one with my cancer.

I will be kind, but my tone will be slightly different, my words will be slightly more direct and it will be listening and if it listens carefully enough I will leave it in no doubt the feeling in my words has changed and if it’s got any sense it will sit up and take notice because I’m not going anywhere fast and the game has changed now and its in my terms now the fight continues. 🥊

Please if you are reading this never give up no matter what you are going through , stand up and fight with positivity kindness and gratitude and you will win. ❤️