Storms don't last forever

Well I’ve been researching stuff to gain even more armour and weapons. I spend a lot of time on the internet, I’m not interested in the negative stuff I search for positive stuff. It’s interesting how once your mindset is positive you attract positive, it’s like a magnet I guess , I don’t see negative posts in Facebook the positive stand out and seen to be just more noticeable. 

I’ve always talked kindly to my cancer because it’s a part of me and up to now it’s been mostly kind on the pain front, but unfortunately I don’t actually know what’s going on behind the scenes. I’m getting different pains in parts of my legs and back and the level is increasing. Not too much but it’s definitely making me more aware each day 👀

My mindset tells me this pain and this heat in my back is the healing going on , each new twinge of pain is now greeted with a smile from me because I know this is healing not hurting taking place from the radiation , so I welcome it and you know what when you do that it just doesn’t hurt quite as much as before.

I’m grateful for this insight, because it came to me whilst I was in the middle of a woah is me moment, feeling sorry for myself , feeling really sore, what if I chose to respond differently to this, it’s my bloody choice , I chose to smile, it’s my body and I make up the rules. In fact sometimes I’m aware that I focus so much in just the area of the pain that I forget about how the rest of the body is feeling and it’s absolutely fine, in fact it’s bloody marvelous Stop giving energy to pain. Lesson learned🙏

The thing is I suppose I don’t really know is how much pain I’m in because of the drugs I’m on are supposed to reduce the pain which is what they are doing and of course I’m ok with that, but I can’t help thinking how I would be without the morphine dextramethosol pregabalin and paracetamol, I thank every single one of these tablets and pay a few seconds of attention to each one before swallowing it, I’m grateful for its help each time I take one, perhaps it makes the effect of the tablet even stronger, I believe it does and there is no greater thing than belief. 🙏

I have to right now, think positive because my thoughts have definitely started to stroll over to the dark side and that’s somewhere I can’t be. I find my self thinking of life without me, how can that be possible. These thoughts are short lived I’m pleased to say.

Thoughts are like clouds , leave them alone and a new one replaces it. The blue sky is always there though and that is important to know , just as the sun is always there, we just lose sight of it every now and again.

The blue sky is the mind and the sun is the positive mental health, black clouds are negative mental health. Storms never last foreveryou know.

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So whilst I’ve kindly been negotiating with my cancer is it playing a double bluff and starting to travel to other parts, well that’s what cancers do isn’t it !

So now I need to change tack a bit and actually go on the attack myself.

How dare this thing be able to take away the years I need to spend with my two beautiful daughters and my wife. I just can’t have that, my love for Nieve and Ella must be mightier than a bunch of messed up cells. That’s the equation I need to find, the equation that cancels cancer and I will. 

I’m tapping into everything I can, I have been unindated with love compassion friendship and the universe has been giving me signs.

So here is a list of some of the more different stuff that I’m looking at implementing in my fight and anyone in my situation should try it try no not try DO. 

TRY is too soft, it kind of means ah well I’ll have a go , I need positive words and so do YOU.

I’ve learned how to clear my CHAKRAS, these are the bodies energy centres and it’s something that seems important , once I’ve done it I feel lighter and you know just better. It’s just simple breathing techniques, I’m no expert but you tube is a veritable healing cabinet and a treasure trove of information.

Visualisation of good cells eating the cancer cell, there are actual videos on YouTube that show T cells attacking cancer cells. I’m rallying the T cell army. These of course need my immune system to be strong. So I’m talking to that , I give it pep talks as I’m walking around the house. I am now completly aware that I now spend vast parts of the day at home talking out loud , I must look like a crazy loon 😃

Reading every single case of stage 4 remission I’ve seen loads so far and you know what most of them have in common, they seem to have or change to a very positive mindful attitude to life. They love nature and it’s almost like they accept the cancer and then just get on with it. Perhaps cancer can’t cope with being ignored, should I stop talking to it.

One more day and it’s the weekend and then the wife and kids are home for two whole weeks as it’s their half term, looking forward to enjoying some quality family time. 

I’m aware that Monday next week is my consultation with my doctor this is going to reveal a lot about the state of play I’m at this stage in this fight and the plan for the next part of the adventure in my fight. I’m going to visualise the meeting in my head with a good outcome and keep positive.

 I mean what’s the point in wasting energy on thinking negative. Energy is powerful whichever side of the force you go down, I’m in the Luke Skywalker side of the force. 

My light sabre, my weapon of positivity with more armour to be added soon. Use the force Woody I am now a young jedi in training.