Covid says hi!
Covid paid me a little visit this week, it’s the 2nd time its affected me in a year, I feel extremely lucky that the only symptom I got this time was a feeling of being drained with no power in my limbs . The energy and life force has been totally squeezed out of me. Walking around like a man who suddenly aged 20 years overnight you will be unsurprised to know that exercise has been put to one side for the time being. Luckily it only lasted a few days.
I still feel very grateful that my symptoms were light compared to what they could be after all I carry the unfortunate label of being one of the immuno surpressed. My immune system has taking a real beating from the various treatments and the last thing it needed was an invasion from the covid virus. It’s hard to explain how I feel I suppose it’s like being attached to a heavy weight on a chain that I have to drag around with me. Thank god the weight has started to get lighter and the brain fog has turned into more of a hazy mist now as the virus leaves my body. I know it could have been so much worse and I thank the universe for not making it too difficult to deal with. Strangely no one else in my house hold was infected, perhaps the strength of this virus is now gradually fading.
Summer’s here
Apart from the covid stuff, this week has been really good. The weather has decided to turn full on summer mode with beautiful summer skies and temperatures on the increase as the week has gone on. I’ve spent some time in the garden and it’s been really nice to just chill out and listen to the sounds of life going about its business around me. I’m sitting in the garden, as I speak. The cats and both of our house rabbits are outside. There is a little game of hide and seek going on with Berty Binks and Daisy. She’s stalking Berty like a wild cat on the hunt, crouching low just like a lioness and just as Berty hops past she springs at him landing a soft paw kindly on him. There is no malice just play, it’s fun to watch. Tilly the other cat is just stretched out and yawning and can’t be bothered to join in the entertainment. Willow the other rabbit is hiding and watching, she waits for Berty and then ambushes him from the shadows, it’s all good fun as the pair of them shoot off chasing each other in a circle around the garden at lightening speed. I’m just sitting here and loving the show.
It’s great to just observe all this stuff and focus on what’s going on around me. Living with cancer has opened my eyes and given me time to soak in the little things that give so much joy. Perhaps before I had cancer I would always of been too busy to really notice this stuff at least in my head. I often feel that since my diagnosis my eyesight has become clearer, by that I mean I notice the things in life that matter with a greater depth of clarity. Noises sound crystal clear my vision is crystal clear colours are brighter and deeper almost alive. I see the good rather than the bad. People are mostly good and yet we have a brain that challenges that and tells us not to trust not to believe be wary close the door don’t let anyone in.
Hospital time
I’m once again in hospital waiting for my PSA blood test and then my monthly hormone injection. There is no anxiety I’m calm and have come to terms that this is the way it will be until I go into complete remission which still features heavily in my plans. I’m hoping the universe still has me in its thoughts🙏. I strike up a conversation with a man sitting next to me and we trade our war stories about our cancers, I notice the shaking in his voice and I want to put my arms around him and give him a hug and tell him everything will be alright. I always start conversations with people I don’t know. I hear fascinating stories and of people’s lives, I’m wondering if cancer opens us up more to share our good times and our individual life stories. My thoughts are if you don’t talk you will never know and I’m a nosy bugger, never used to be but I am now. I love conversation but it’s a dying art with more people now prefering to hide away in their electronics devices in a make believe world of friends most of which they’ve never met. I feel sorry for our youths as their world’s become more and more infused into a device, some of them becoming too frightened to come out of the virtual reality and face real reality. I have a feeling in the future there will come a tipping point and people will once again realise the joy of actually talking to each other in person. New trendy bars and restaurants are now opening up and banning mobile phones in their premises, people realising they can have a good time without being on a screen, the revolution has began the humans are fighting back 😀
Some thoughts
I read somewhere that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% is how you deal with it. I don’t know if the exact percentages are true but certainly what I do know since having my cancer diagnosis my life has become considerably richer because of the way I think about my situation. We are all dying the moment we are born, we just need to make sure that we understand the fundemental truth in the message it’s not what happens to you it’s the way you think about it that makes the difference. Every thought makes a difference, I sometimes find my thoughts wondering off down a path which is dark and scary, I guess although it’s understandable it’s not good for me. When this happens I try to bring my thoughts back by focusing on something good. I usually take a few deep breaths and focus on my breathing for a few seconds to clear the bad stuff and then try to change my thoughts to something more positive. It’s not easy but it gets better with practice. Being in the present moment is good but so is also visiting a past moment that makes me feel happy and safe.
Thinking of a good memory can distract the bad stuff from taking over. The bad stuff is always at the corner of my mind waiting to open the door and jump in and take over. I manage to keep that door closed most of the time, but just occasionally it opens, just a bit and then those thoughts that I don’t want to face come rushing in like a relentless wave. The way I stop this door from opening is gathering good stuff to turn to and use as a shield against the darkness. There is always good stuff to be found if I look for it. It doesn’t have to be much it can be something simple like a smile from one of my daughter’s or a noise or a feeling. A sun rise a bird song they all make the difference. Every day there is something good worth paying attention to and storing in my memory of good stuff for when I might need it. Sometimes I just smile, it’s incredible what a smile can do especially when you least feel like smiling it can spark off a chemical reaction of feel good endorphins serotonin and dopamine that completly change the present moment into a better one.
Our bodies are full of so many powerful weapons we can use to fight off the bad moments no matter how bad things can seem from one moment to the next. A smile or a thought can change everything. I find myself lately becoming more relaxed and accepting of every thing that comes my way. I try not too worry about the future, I can’t change the future because quite simply it hasn’t happened yet, the future will be what it will be. All o can do is to live as healthy as possible both in my mind and my body and I think on that score I’m doing the best i can.
Well I must be off now, I have an appointment with a rather large needle that’s meeting my belly. But before I go I want to share this extremely important message….
Men are you at risk?
As usual I want to end this post by raising awareness of prostate cancer. I know know at the very least 6 people have messaged me to say they have prostate cancer and have caught it in its early stage where it’s not so harmful and remarkably this blog was the only reason they got checked up. MEN you can and should check this link here to see your risk. I hope of course that you don’t have it but also I hope if you do that you take my advice and catch it early before it can do the horrible damage it’s already inflicted on me. 30 seconds to check your risk. ❤️
30 second risk checker
https://prostatecanceruk.org/risk-checker
Take care enjoy life it’s the only one you’ve got, don’t waste it, untill the next time.
Love Woody❤️
An important message for all men in their 50s onwards
Please just take the time to read this it could save your life🙏
