Another week has gone

I’m sitting in my garden relaxing, living with my cancer has made me appreciate the relaxing moments in my life. It’s great to appreciate the very act of doing nothing, just being and not doing🙏. I used to spend a lot of time wasting time, where I was not really present just existing, not noticing anything or being aware of what was going on around me, missing out on so much. The sun has suddenly gone from warm to hot, it’s like mother nature recognises it’s now June and turned the dial up on the sun a few notches. I’m not one for sun bathing but today im just loving the feel of the sun and it’s heat. I close my eyes and imagine the sun is sending healing heat into my body, every sun ray is a warm gift of natural medicine. It wasn’t supposed to be this warm today but true to the British weather it ignores the forecasts and does what ever it wants to do. ☀️. I love our weather it’s just is impossible to accurately forecast what it’s going to do. It can work two ways you can be pleasently surprised when it turns out good when the forecast is poor or it can be really annoying when the forecast is good and it turns out bad. It used to push my buttons now I just love the variety of it all, you just don’t know what you are going to get, everyday is a mystery.

I had just come from a rather dissapointing call with my doctor’s secretary, I’m desperate to find out the result of my MRI scan but unfortunately my doctor is on annual leave. It’s frustrating that I will have to wait until she returns, it’s been nearly 3 weeks since I had the MRI, I hope she’s having a nice well earned break but I do question why someone else can’t talk to me about the result of the scan. It’s not like it’s not important, for me it’s putting my ever inquisitive mind to rest. Thoughts that start to creep into my mind, its like the relentless tide going in, gradually flooding my mind. What if the cancer has suddenly spread, just as I think that a pain radiates from my buttock and stops to rest on my knee cap, it’s a sore and ugly pain made worse by the “what if” thought. The “what if” thought lives with the cancer patient it’s always in the back of our minds just waiting to spring out when it gets its opportunity. “What if” the cancer has spread, it’s hard to get rid of that thought and so having the result of the MRI would be really nice. Of course there is the other side of the coin, “what if “the cancer has reduced, “what if” it’s good news. A lot rides on the result of that MRI scan, don’t they understand that? It’s frustrating and not fair. How would they feel if they were in my shoes. I’m not moaning just expressing my feelings, these feelings that are invading my mind and keeping me awake tonight.

It’s now 2.15am as I type. My mind is the only sound I can hear in this silent hour. No birds are singing just yet and it’s that kind of darkness where nothing can be made out in the room, if I turn my phone off for a second it’s just black, I think it’s called pitch black. I think this is the hour when ghost stories are written. It’s easy to let the imagination take over. A slight creak on the floor boards somewhere in the house conjours up all kinds of scenarios like a live Stephen King horror story, the mind begins to imagine the imaginable. If I close my eyes tight and hold my breath the house gradually comes to life, every tiny sound is potential danger. The mind is great at creating horror stories when it has nothing else to do.

Night thoughts!

I can hear my thoughts as they jump around in my head. At this time of the night my thoughts stand out and echo round my mind like a pinball in a machine jumping from one thought to another. I try to focus on my breathing, watching and feeling my breath as it goes in and then goes out, this is a great way to calm a jumpy mind. The thoughts start to calm down. Thoughts don’t last very long when you don’t pay attention to them too much. They tend to just fade away. It’s a good exercise to do when you get stuck in your head in the middle of the night. I don’t remember how long it took but I soon fell back to sleep and now it’s morning and I’ve woken with a nice clear mind. I’m thinking more towards no news is good news regarding my MRI result, the other thing, is worrying about it won’t change anything, it will be what it is and I’m now settled with that thought. Thoughts can sometimes feel so real I wrote a post on another blog about my thoughts a while ago before I knew I even had cancer https://thecalmingyouranxiousmind.wordpress.com/2021/02/14/your-thoughts-are-not-real/

Time to take my morning cocktail of tablets , I still say thank you to them all as I take them. I’m very much of the belief they will work better if I tell them I’m grateful for them. The mind has powers we can’t yet fully understand and my belief is so strong in my mind that it will heal me of this disease. I say my daily morning mantra and I’m ready to face the world again.

Every day in every way I’m feeling better and better

Every day in every way I’m growing stronger and stronger

Every day in every way my cancer is getting weaker and weaker.

I say this with such conviction I’ve managed to fully convince myself that it’s true. I could of course spend valuable time telling myself how bad it all is but I chose to not do that. That would be a bad idea.

I’ve enjoyed the Jubilee holiday break, even visited my Mum and Dad, it had been such a long time since we have all got together and I loved it. The weather was exactly what I was talking about earlier in this blog it was supposed to be poor, but instead it turned out into a lovely sunny day, ideal for the bbq. The hug from my mum at the end was a real special one that said so much that words can’t justifiably explain. How do you convey words about a hug that is just pure love. The journey there and back has unfortunately not been kind on me and today two days after I’m really feeling it. The sciatica has jumped back into action again. Sciatica is not a pleasent thing to deal with, thank you cancer for that. 🤬

I’m working from home for the next two weeks so I’m going to really try and keep some kind of exercise routine going to stop this sciatica from getting a grip on me. The plan is to get out and walk an hour or so each morning and possibly if I’m feeling up for it a session on the dressing gown hanger otherwise known as the cross trainer😀. I plan to walk around the lakes tomorrow if the weather is kind, I might even do a live video blog, I haven’t done one for a while. I’m also going to focus on some mindfulness and inner strength healing. I’m currently just starting to get back into a more deeper meditation, it has unfortunately taken a back seat for a while now and I feel now is the time to pick it up again. I’m also going to devote an hour a day to learning the guitar 🎸. It’s something I promised myself I would do. I think learning the guitar will be a good mind exercise, we shall see. I’ve set reminders to remind myself of all of these things just in case I decide to forget. I’m getting up early to get going, otherwise I fear I’ll stay asleep too long.

Well that’s another week that’s flown by in the blink of an eye. It’s scary just how fast the weeks are running, it’s like they’ve decided suddenly they need to be somewhere, let’s get going. I’m determined to make the most of every bit of time there is. How much I have left doesn’t matter what does matter is what I do with it. One thing that does disturb me is how much sleep I’m currently having. Last night I went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 9.30am, the rest of the house were all up, it’s like I’m a teenager again😀. The one thing I don’t want to do is to spend half of the rest of my life sleeping. I have too much to see and do, but I understand if my body is saying its time for bed then I guess I’ve got to go with it.

Well that’s it for another week, it’s been another good week, who knows what wonders and delights the universe has in store for me this week on this beautiful place called earth. 🙏

Love Woody ❤️

As always I want to keep spreading the message about Prostate Cancer, I know now that at least 5 people have found out sadly they have it but it’s been caught early thanks to this blog.

Any man reading this, particularly in the 50s onwards should click this link to see if they are at risk. Take it from me this is not the kind cancer it’s sometimes labled, no man would want to live with this believe me.

You can quickly check your risk https://prostatecanceruk.org/risk-checker