Thankful

I’ve named this blog today thankful because well frankly that’s exactly what I am.

I’m sitting in my car, I’m early for work, there is a warming feeling that spring is in the air. You can almost smell and taste the feel of spring as I breathe it in and it races through my system awakening my cells as they dance the dance of new life. Cherry blossom is decorating the trees, nature’s way of saying thank you for enduring the winter here is something to put a smile back on your face and brighten the world back up again with a display of stunning colours as the trees wake up once again. I smiled as I walked to my car earlier, It felt good, just that short walk to my car. It’s only about 100 m from my front door up the road a bit and round the corner into the car park. I love the seasons, spring especially, it’s a new beginning, a chance to come out of hibernation from the long winters chill and those eternally long dark days where daylight seems so subdued. The birds agree with me, I open my window recline the seat and close my eyes and just listen to them.

They sound excited and happy as they sing their little hearts out to the world. I often wonder what reason do they sing, I think it’s honestly a song of gladness to be alive. It infects me with warmth and calmness as I listen. This is the 2nd time they have sung to me today and it’s only 7.30am. what a beautiful start to the day. How can I feel anything but happy with that start. I can’t be sad or angry or hateful when the birds are singing to me can I?. It’s nature’s medicine wrapped up in a chorus of sounds.

I have an overwhelming feeling of certainty that I’m going to beat this illness, I can’t explain why I feel so completly sure that I will beat it. I’ve totally accepted it and in a strange way I know I will beat it by not fighting it. I’ve accepted it for what it is, I have no hatred to it, I’m living my life as if it’s already no longer with me. Even the reminders it likes to give me are becoming less powerful. My life is for living not for fighting. Fighting is not the way. I feel if I’m fighting it then I’m fighting myself, it is a part of me. My cells change constantly, millions die and are replaced in a second, this is life. The cancer cells can also be replaced by healthy ones of that I’m convinced. I need to feed my body with healthy food and most importantly with healthy thoughts. I no longer consider the option of this illness winning because I’m not fighting it. You can’t win a fight when there is nothing to fight. The universe holds secrets of healing that I feel are slowly being fed to me through my thoughts. It’s hard to explain this total belief that I have. I know that by remaining positive kind and gratefull the trinity of most powerful emotions that can get me through this, I will be ok.

It’s a comforting feeling of having such certainty, such belief that I will get better. I have to continuously believe that, there is no space for believing anything else. I tell myself over and over again every single day , every single night and morning. I have no room for doubt or self pity I’m living life as if my cancer has ready gone. I’m living for me and my family, I’m not living to the demands of my cancer. There are many unexplained things that happen in this world, the medical world constantly comes across total anonmolys, no one can explain what the human body is capable of. The power of our own innate healing, our own natural medicine cabinet that’s made of tablets and potions created purely from thought. Thoughts can kill as well as heal us. Almost every mental health problem is driven by thoughts, we are all born with healthy minds. The healthy body is directly linked to a healthy mind in so many cases. I believe that most of our illnesses start in the mind and find their way into our body, my plan is to reverse that. It’s in my body, my mind will heal it. If someone else can do this then so can I and if I can do it then so can you.

Yesterday’s thoughts are with me today, we had a great day out on the road in the ambulance. The weather was almost in the warm catorgory, we drove to a beach for lunch. The warm sun on my skin the sound of the gulls and good company today made me feel so very lucky. I tell myself my back will not hurt me or my knee won’t try to spoil things and they both listen. Life is so precious and priceless, it’s strange that I realise this when something threatens to snatch it all away. I go to bed now and replay my favourite memories of life on an invisible projector screen that’s plays in my mind. I’ve got so many memories , ive traveled and worked in many countries and have had amazing experiences that keep me comfortable on the nights when sleep deserts me and leaves me in a kind of limbo. My memories put their arms around me and gently rock me to sleep.

I used to be so worried about the future, in fact It would be reasonably accurate to state that I’ve lived a good portion of my life consumed and frightened by the future. Will I have enough money seems to have been the loudest thought of the future that kept on reaccuring like an old stuck record amongst other things, a fear of dying has been with me for a very long time, way before this cancer adventure started. I was driven by an invisible force to believe that the more money I could earn the happier I would be. I realise now just how untrue this really is. I’m no longer worried about the future, I live each day as it comes and make the most of each day. I live in the present where everything is reality and not some future promise that may never come true. As I write this I’ve had a great day and I’m about to close my eyes and return to my memories. I’m not lying awake worried about my future or my children’s or my wife’s future, like I used to do . No one can control the future it will be what it wants to be, but I can most certainly control the present. I can chose my reactions to my cancer, I can chose to force myself to stand up even if all I want to do is lie down and surrender. I can chose my present and I can change my present just by having a new thought about something in a new way. It’s that simple, my present is now my thoughts control now and I can control my thoughts if I want. What a feeling to have that feeling, to be as free as a bird soaring over a mountain, flying where I chose to go or just relaxing my wings and let the universe take me where it wants me to be.

I understand that there will be people reading this who will be in a far worse state than me. I hope it doesn’t anger anyone. I don’t take cancer lightly, it’s already damaged my back beyond clinical repair, I’m just thankful that it hasn’t gone that little bit further and delivered the knockout blow that could have put me down for good. I just hope you get the general message. I chose to beat cancer my way. Most of its in my head. The pills and medicines and treatments will only work if I chose to believe in them. I chose to believe in possibilities I choose to believe in faith that my body along with the universe will deliver another one of those medical miracles I’ve read about so much, I just can’t think about it any other way.

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

– Marcus Aurelius

Take care, be kind be grateful & be positive 🙏

Love Woody ❤️