Going back to work

Tomorrow I go back to work. after 5 months of living with my cancer, I’m so lucky grateful and amazed to see a day that I was starting to believe may never happen again. I can’t explain the feeling of going back to work and being needed again. Since my cancer diagnosis in September last year I’ve gradually felt more and more less of a useful man. My boss has had faith and belief in me all the way through and I can not àà in themselves.

Not working for so long has eroded that need to feel helpfull in control and useful to others. When I’m working I feel a huge pride which comes with my job as an emergency response ambulance instructor. Teaching students who need me and all of my skills to help them overcome their fears and challenges to pass this tough course. I’m privelidged to work with great people in the industry, I felt it was never going to happen again. I can’t explain in words how lucky and grateful I am to be given the opportunity to resume what most of us take for granted. When some thing you love and gives your life a real purpose is suddenly snatched away from you it’s personally shattering.

I’m not moaning about being away for five months, those 5 months have been incredibly educational. I’ve learnt so much about life, myself and other people and their incredible kindness and caring attitudes during those 5 months. I’ve always been very fortunate to enjoy my work roles in life but I’ve never put value to them like I now do. I look back frequently and reflect on how lucky Ive been to have a happy relationship with work. One thing I do regret was a continuous obsession to have more money. I realise now that the more you strive for money the less important the real life values become. I’m talking the values of family, love and contentment all of which money can not pay for. I’m lucky to be going back to work, not just because of income but because I’m finally back to doing something where I feel wanted. You cant feel wanted sitting at home, waiting for the future to arrive, you can’t feel wanted when your life is full of being reliant on so much else. I’m reliant on my drugs my doctor’s my wife, at least now I can go back to feeling wanted and appreciated for the skills I’ve got, I can give back and not take so much.

Cancer takes so much away from us. In a blink of an eye it can throw your life into a washing machine of emotions, spinning faster and faster the cycle on rinse and repeat day after day. At least work lets me open that door and climb out of the cycle. I also acknowledge that for everything that cancer has taken away from me it’s also given me back something in return.  The Ying and Yang of the cancer sufferer. I think those that cope well recognise the Ying and Yang effect. Those that don’t cope well only see the negative side of it. You just can’t look through negative lenses at this illness, eventually you will become blind to everything and live-in the darkness that it so wants to draw you in to.

I’ve learnt and discovered so much in the past 5 months, I’ve spent a lot of time on the internet getting the facts about my illness my odds of beating it are not stacked good but even if I’ve got 1% it means there is a chance. I’ve learnt so much about food and cures many of which would  not be far off your stereotypical witches and wizards of old, Imagine an old grey bearded wizard in a dark damp cave, sitting next to his boiling couldron, you could add a black cat for the effect and a pointy hat. He’s been asked to give a potion for an ailment for someone and into the couldron he throws a mixture of herbs and roots of plants with the odd eyeball of some now sightless creature and a piece of hair. In it all goes and the wizard says here you go Woody as he hands over a cup of foul smelling bubbling greenish brown soup, this will cure the cancer you have, there are of course some side affects, please see the impossibly small writing on the side of the jar😃 I kid you not these are like the reallife cures that people post on cancer forums, the latest cure for prostate cancer is eating dog worming tablets. Who knows what to believe! I’ve read it all. I will stick to my own beliefs before I summon Gandolph to my aid . My beliefs are as follows… 

• The NHS doctor’s and nurses and the medication they give me
• The food and drink I put inside of myself
• Fresh air and exercise
• Kindness and appreciation of everything
• My faith in the universe that everything is possible if you believe it to be.

My simple list above is my cure for cancer for me. They all depend on each other and are tied together into a lovely bundle called hope. None are more important than each other they are all equall and all depend on me having belief in them. I have a rock solid belief in them all. They are my 5 friends that will get me through this darkness and out the other side into a new light of life.

Let me break my simple list down

My doctors, nurses and meds

NHS doctor’s and nurses and medications. Having belief in the doctor or nurse is just as important as the medicine itself. I have to have that belief in the person giving the medicine, for the medicine to work. I believe so much on the placebo effect and the power of the mind to make something work if you believe it will. My oncology doctor totally agrees with me, the more faith and belief you put into the medicine the better it will work she says. I have read so much about placebos and how they work. When you combine the incredibly complex power of the mind with belief and willpower you create something possible. Everything is possible.🙏

What I eat and drink

My body needs nourishment from healthy sources. Im immuno surpressed. Sounds fancy scary and scientific. It means my bodies life guards are fast asleep on the beach whilst I’m drowning in the ocean. I need them to wake up, they have become fat and lazy because of what I’ve fed them. They need to wake up take a trip to the gym and get working out. They complain they can’t work out on a diet of pizzas, coffees, beers and burgers. They need fresh powerfull health giving foods. I need to chose what to feed those life guards of mine to be strong fast and of course good looking☺️ they need to be able to dive in and rescue me from the cancerous ocean I’m swimming in and pull me back to the shore of life. Above all those guards need to be my placebo, I need to believe they will work.

Fresh air and exercise

There is nothing better for me than to open the front door take a deep breath and soak in nature’s life giving force and go for a walk. I’ve written many times in my blogs ( This is no 87 ) about my post diagnosis passion for walking. Every breath I take has a solidly fixed belief that I’m breathing in goodness and healing every outbreath is my steadfast belief that I’m breathing away some of the badness that’s invaded my bodies cells. The being at one with nature as walking takes me into a different dimention where sometimes it’s just me and the countryside, my problems melt away as I tune into the birds the plants and the sky. Walking releases me from my own internal prison where cancer is the prison guard. When I’m walking it gives me the keys to open the cell door and escape for a while into a new world. I’m so very grateful that I discovered the simple act of walking. My brief is the exercise strengthens my weakened bones caused by the cancer, if I don’t get up and walk I will decline quickly, walking is my kryptonite it gives me power to fight this illness.

Kindness & gratitude

Those two words are my strength not like my walking kryptonite which is my power kindness and gratitude are the two most important ingredients to feed the soul. The acts of kindness and gratitude have far reaching effects that intertwine with the very fabric of the universe as the force travels around the world the kindness and gratitude we generate helps to feed the universal field that is life. The kinder and appreciative we become to life the stronger we become. I have spoken about kindness and gratitude many times before and my belief in its power is so absolute That I just know it does things to me and others that can’t be explained or measured but can be seen if you look for it. My advice for anyone struggling at the moment is try this just spend a week being kind to everyone you meet and be appreciative of everything that you have. Spend a week doing those two things and then evaluate how it’s made you feel, you could even drop me a message on here and tell me all about it. I’m confident that no matter what you are going through just do those two simple things and I’m sure you will see and feel a change from within.

Faith

I have never considered myself religious but I’ve worked out over the last few months that a religion is having a belief in somethng. I have a faith in the universe, I gues that’s my religion , I don’t go to church or pray but I do believe that there is a force that flows through our world and effects everything we do, every path we take is unknowingly guided by this unseen force. It has the power to heal and live as well as to die. I’m confident that my beliefs which I’ll now call my 5 best friends will cure me. If it doesn’t then it doesn’t if it’s not meant to be then so be it I’ll accept that, but I will only accept that when I have no breath left to take, up untill that moment in time I will continue to believe I will beat this and do everything I can to fulfill that belief.

I never plan what I’m writing, I usually before writing a blog just shut my eyes for a few minutes and meditate with my breathing, I focus a lot on my heart when I’m breathing and this is where our kindness compassion and appreciation live. I don’t try to stop thinking, you can’t just switch h thoughts off, but instead I distract my self from thinking by just focusing my attention and awarenes on my heart. After a few minutes I open my eyes and let my fingers dance around the keyboard and see where they want to go. That why my blogs jump around a bit, I don’t even know if I’m fully.in control if what I’m typing, it just happens.

I hope you enjoyed this one and if you are in pain or struggling physically and mentally that these musings of mine give you some comfort. Please leave me a comment if they do. Untill next time take care, be kind and gratefull

Love Woody ❤️

Before I go please take a look at this fundraiser I’m really honoured to be taking part in to raise money for Prostate Cancer UK

Walking to raise money and awareness for Prostate Cancer UK