What can I do to feel better ? Living with my cancer

Today’s challenge is what can I do to feel better , my mind in the past week is fighting off depression or is it fear or anxiety , I don’t really think either of those words fits what I’m feeling right now. I guess it’s a cocktail of emotions and feings all blended together. I haven’t made a cancer bustin smoothie this week just can’t be arsed, how sad is it when you can’t find the energy or motivation to blend some food.

As I’m writing I’m caller no 10 in the queue to arrange an appointment over the phone to see if can speak to my doctor about stuff.

I had two more complete strangers tell me how inspiring my blog is yeserday, is it really, I feel it’s getting harder to explain what’s happening, I often write with my thoughts in the present moment and right now I’m struggling to see how this can inspire anyone, I’ll probably be ok in a few hours, that’s why I’m thinking up things to make me feel better. In fact that’s the title of today’s blog thinking of things to make me feel better.

Blimey I’m up to caller 4 in the queue , make that 3 , they must be quick calls today.

So what can I do to make me feel better , caller no 2 now in the queue so might have to dash off, I do need to tell them to change the holding music though, it’s incredibly annoying 😀

Appointment booked with the doc, that was all rather easy, I hope I get the one I can understand. The last phone conversation that was booked I couldn’t understand a word the guy was saying, English was not his strong point, I wonder how many people just give up the conversation because they can’t understand the language, I did.

Things to do to feel better, ive had a few hours sleep even though I went to sleep last night at 10pm and slept right through.

I wrapped up warm and sat in the garden, the energy for walking is sapped now so at least sitting in the garden gives me a better feeling than being stuck inside. I’m going to attempt to go for a walk later, it won’t be one of my long ones down to the river. Sleeping just sounds the best option right now again.

Sitting in the garden in the chilly air donned in my bright blue well worn jacket has put some life back in to me. The birds are singing but it doesn’t sound like they are really putting the effort in, perhaps they are feeling like me. You know I definitely notice the difference in the mood of the bird song, it changes with the weather, today it is grey and cold, their song kind of reflects that or is it just reflective on how I’m feeling. A robin lands on the fence, his red breast is puffed up as if to say I’m the boss here. It’s unusual to see a Robin in my garden. He looks me up and down as if inspecting me, he decides I’m not a worm or I’m not going to harm him so he stays.

I used to sit in the garden a lot with my different teas, unfortunately now I don’t drink milk I’ve lost the taste for tea and coffee, in fact I’m losing my appetite for food in general, I’m still on the plant based diet but finding it difficult. The robin nods at me and then fly’s away. One of my cats joins me, but she doesn’t like the cold and soon is clawing at the door to get back in. Strange considering she wears such a warm coat all the time.

I’m cold, in fact shivering, strangely I’m having a powerful hot flush which instantly switches on my personal central heating. That’s my call to come back in. I think I’ll have a nap and then write a list of ways to feel good.

The nap went on to become a 2 hour wiped out kind of sleep, why am I so tired? Is it the cancer or is it the tablets, it’s a real fight to get out of this one at the moment. I suppose my body is telling me I need sleep and that is that.

I watched some comedy on YouTube, got myself laughing really loud. There is nothing better than a good ole belly laugh to refresh the spirit. Al Murry made me laugh, never used to like him, but he sure has some talent the way he spins stories together that involve the audience, make note never to sit in front row of an Al Murry gig.

There’s also the Welsh wizard of comedy Mr Rhod Gilbert a very funny man, he gets my laughter quotant up. I said in a previous blog how good it is to laugh. Life can be too serious, and we need the magic of laughter and all the neuron altering changes that laughter brings with it.

Of course theres the movies I’ve not watched a real emotion raising inspiring movie for a while so that will go on my list for the weekend, perhaps some one could recommend a few for me, I watched a lot whilst I was in hospital going through radiotherapy.

I’ve spoken to the doctor, he has said my low energy and low moods is most probably a result of taking me off the pregabalin tablets too quickly. It really amazed me how one tiny pill can have such an affect on your life good and bad. This clinic has more than one doctor so the advice I know is always in my best interest but often conflicts with the other doctors, it’s like I’m a dummy that’s just being passed around, do this, why are you doing this take this why are you taking this don’t take that take this, you get what I’m trying to say here right!

Just having the phone call and reasonably long chat with a doctor makes me feel much better, why does it always seem they can’t wait to leave the call, I guess they are so busy dealing with us, but I always find it strange that someone calls you and then can’t wait to end the conversation as soon as it’s started, the doctor last night was not like that and I felt that he had time for me, which in itself just makes you feel that little bit better.

The other thing is, all week I’m worried that this is the cancer doing it’s stuff, making me tired making me lethargic making me feel like I just want to go to sleep but all along its the effect of a drug that’s on my side, it’s strange how this all works.

It’s the weekend, my feel better list has been made here it is.

• Watch an inspiring movie 🎥
• Laugh at comedy😄
• Go for a walk🚶🚶🚶‍♂️
• Interact with people outside of my house (I plan to go shopping and just say hello to anyone who looks at me 😄) could end up with a black eye
• Be mindful 🙏
• Be positive at absolutely everything➕
• Be grateful for having the time to do all of these things ♥️

See you soon

Woody ❤️