Not so positive today, but it ends well

Today has been just horrible for me, my right leg is just frozen like a board, it just feels numb from hip to my ankles , I’m sure it’s the nerve in my spine pressing again. I can’t do the Samaritans walk tonight, which has also upset me.😢

The mindset has not been helped by the lack of response from my doctor or her secretary. I love the NHS with all my heart but sometimes you’ve just got to call them out when there is no response after 2 days of calling and emailing. I wonder how they would feel if they were the ones frightened and wanting answers. I’m sure they are busy but even a response would be good. They are are after all my point of referal if things change which they have. 🤔

I’ve got a lot of serious decisions to make about where I go next in terms of treatment it’s either chemo or a hormone tablet. Escaping chemo sounds a good idea but the hormone tablets are no walk in the park and will be a challenge to deal with so I’ve heard from people who are on them.🤔

I’m guessing people reading this who are going through their own personal battle with cancer will understand where I’m coming from here.🙏

I’ve just been on a group that has about 5000 members most of them are cancer patients and there is so much anxiety and desperation. I want to help them, I’m thinking of setting up a Facebook live and delivering a mini calming the anxious mind workshop for them. 

There are people on the group just full of fear, it’s heartbreaking to read their stories.

There are so many people on these groups suffering , I’m going to see if I can do something to help.🙏

It makes me feel.so much more positive, just with the thought of doing something to help.🙏

Im going to have an early one tonight sorry for the negative moan. I’ll probably be back in the witching hour, tonight is one of those nights I could do with sleeping through😄

My wish came true I’ve slept through from about ten till now which is 7am and I feel so much more positive.

I was thinking of deleting the first half of this post but then that would be just pretending that everything is all right when it most definitely isn’t.

I’ve read into the effect having cancer has on your emotions and seen the results from people on Facebook in their own testimonies who I would love to help.🙏

I’ve also been thinking that immersing myself too much in these groups is not helping my own mental state so I’m going to cut down on the groups a bit. My Facebook feed is just full of cancer stuff. I think that can’t be good for my own state of mind.😢

The other thing is I’ve had lots of messages from people in these groups claiming to have products that cure cancer, most of which are very expensive. I think these people could be genuinely trying to help but I also can’t help thinking they are scamming the groups which I was warned about.😄

Update I’ve removed myself from 5 cancer groups it’s insane on them, probably the most negative thing I’ve done was to join those groups . I think there are many who are desperate and are being led up the garden path by some it’s clear to see. Everything I can think of seems to be a cure for cancer including nuts carrots barley certain organic coffees apricot nuts cranberries standing in your head for 5 minutes whilst reciting the national anthem backwards chewing a turnip covered in organic wheat dust 😄 sorry just made that one up.

I’m going to stick to positivity kindness and gratitude. 💪

My advice for anyone reading this that is going through this emotional turmoil is this.

Don’t go jumping on to Facebook groups that have large numbers of members , a lot of these groups claim to be set up with stories of people who survive cancer , they are mostly full of desperate  people looking for a miracle, like I am and genuine people trying to help and even people making a lot of money , cancer coaches prowling for victims  for fucks sake (sorry mum) is one of them. Now I might be wrong here but I don’t see how ethical it is for cancer coaches to be on these forums, hey but that’s just me🤔

My experience on these groups was very negative and made me feel depressed, plus they don’t leave you alone with messages mostly selling you the next miracle.⛔ Look I’m looking for the next miracle too, but I recognise a pushy sales person against a genuine person who wants to help from the goodness of their heart and not their bank account.💰💲

Stick to getting support from the people that love you♥️

Believe in the forces of nature that can’t be explained 🙏

Keep positive ♥️

Be kind to as many people as you can♥️

Believe in yourself ♥️

Believe in the doctor’s and nurses ♥️

Be grateful for the very small things in life to the big things like friendships, the sun rise and the very fact that your heart is beating perfectly and will keep on going if you let it.♥️