No sleep for this one 😭

I’ve had a really good day, I’ve done a fair bit of walking 11,136 steps to be precise. I joined my sister and went for a lovely.walk in the pouring rain. There is no such thing as bad weather only bad clothing. Well my not so new bright blue jacket proved itself to be up to the task and kept me warm and dry , can’t say the same for the rest of my clothing , training shoes and jogging bottoms didn’t really do the job I asked them too. Never mind I enjoyed every second of it, today was one of those it’s good to be alive kind of days , I wonder if I would have quite had the same feeling if I took cancer out of the equation. I doubt I would of loved today. I might have moaned about it raining and how bloody cold it was. I don’t do that anymore, why would I complain about a day when I might only have a limited supply left. 🙏

My sister loved it too , cancer has brought us together probably for the first time properly in about 40 years and I’m grateful for that. I thank cancer for that, I’ve told it I’m grateful I hope it listens and some how decides to like me. Oh but then if it likes me it might not want to leave me. Awkward situation.🤣

Tonight I’m in a state of mind that really wants to sleep because I know I’ll be no good tomorrow. The harder you try to sleep the harder it becomes. Perhaps I’ll trick it by pretending I don’t want to go to sleep. By the way who is it I’m tricking? 

Is it me? 

I’m trying to trick.myself , I’ll have to pretend to be really dumb and fall for it. I’ve not often tried to trick myself to be honest , I always know when I’m trying to trick myself it’s not worth it I’ll never fall for it. This is getting confusing now I’m not even sure what part and who I’m.playing , perhaps I’ll tire myself out and fall asleep. 😃

I went for a walk with my Ella this evening we walked around the estate to see the lights, a lot of people have really gone to a lot of effort to make the place look festive, I’m grateful for that, it makes my evening walk so much nicer. Not everyone believes in Christmas, I do, it doesn’t matter about Santa he’s just one of those miracles, the rest of it though is true and  fantastic the lights the food and friends and family together. 🎄🤶🎅

I’m going to treasure every thing about Christmas this year, I’ve been awoken and want to experience everything to the max. The new year is a chance for me to start again, I’m so looking forward to it and the challenges it’s going to bring, one thing is for sure I won’t be running away from anything. Funny thing this cancer has given me a will to fight, no more hiding I’m going to take it full on and kick it out of my life , I won’t be sad to see it go but I will be grateful for some of the gifts it’s given me.🤶💞🙏

The traffic has started now, I think I’ll fall asleep just before my alarm clock goes off to wake me up again. There of course is now the option of staying awake till I get up. I can remember many times getting up around this time and driving a fair distance for an ambulance course. I miss the courses, I miss the teaching and I miss the students and the other instructors , I don’t miss getting up this early though. 😃

Tomorrow I’m.planning on going to a local park, I’ll drive there and then go for a nice long walk , I think I’m fitter now than I’ve been for a good few years , well apart from the prostate cancer and the tumours in my back apart from that I’m great. My target now is 5000 steps a day. I’m still on my way to Lapland from Helsinki, virtually of course , I’m currently 2 % of the way there, in fact I’ll show you exactly which road I’m on 

There I am, it looks a bit quiet, I’m virtually walking up that road on my way to a place called Rovaniemi just inside the Arctic circle here’s my final stop Santa Claus Holiday Village

Looks nice, can’t wait to get there, it’s going to take a fair bit of time I’ve got just under 1 million 400 thousand steps to go. I hope it doesn’t get too cold on the way.🌨️ I’m going to have to keep an eye out for Polar bears especially walking by myself.🐻 Couldn’t find an emoji of a Polar bear so a teddy bear will have to suffice.

I’ve another appointment with the bone machine next week, I’ve had experience of that one , I remember you get injected with a small amount of radio active dye before you go in and then the machine spends ages taking pictures of you , it’s like being in a giant printer , not quite as claustrophobic as the MRI Machine, I’m best buddy’s now with the MRI , the last scan showed less cancer so thank you kindly Mr MRI. I’ve also got to have another CT scan fingers crossed that that delivers an improvement , I think I’ll be especially kind and thank it a few times, might even bow down to it as I approach to show it total respect.🙇‍♂️🙏

It’s nearly 5 am I’m still wide awake, I’ve tried counting sheep but that doesn’t work, they just never stand still for long enough😃 I wonder if I should count something else perhaps dogs or fish , I think fish would be difficult , especially when they all change direction, I’m sure to lose count 🐟🐠🐡🦈

I read some great stories today about cancer survivors, I also read a fantastic story about a man who had a brain tumour the size of a lemon he should of died 25 years ago but he’s still with us. There are stories that can not be explained, doctor’s can’t explain it , miracles do happen you know. What makes a dying person with a matter of days left suddenly go into remission. There is story after story like that. What makes them change? 

My own opinion is they have connected with their inner intelligence in some way , we must have an inner intelligence just to run us. Did you know our bodies in one second perform around 14 quadrillion things every second , our eyes take in more information in 1 sec than the entire encyclopedia Britannica that’s crazy , every second 1 million cells die but luckily are replaced in the same amount of time .your brain will send around 20.billion messages every second, now I’m beginning to sound like Bill Bryson but think about it if our bodies can do all this astonishing things every second then surely if you tap in to the right place at the right time it could cure you of anything and that is your bodies innate intelligence. I also believe that it’s all connected to the universe. 🙏

So how do I tap into it ? I think it’s a lot to do with belief , a placebo pill will often work.just as well as a real pill, why because we believe it will. 

Our brains as intelligent as they are have a vital flaw, they don’t know what’s real or made up. Your brain basically believes what you tell it. You think you are going to be sick it does all the rest , you think you are useless it makes you feel useless. So if you keep telling it how well you are doing then it will believe you and make the necessary arrangements.

I do a lot of stuff that’s probably out of the box thinking I have a new mantra for the morning which I say 

Every day in every way I’m getting better and better 

It comes from a French guy called Emile Coue, you have to pronounce it with an outrageous French accent like David Ginola to make it sound right. I’m not of course insinuating that Mr Ginolas accent is outrageous, he’s very good at it, years of practice to sound that good 🇫🇷

If you say this at the beginning of your day and repeat it about 3 times its you tricking your brain into believing your getting better. You can use if for anything Illness lack of confidence or just giving yourself a boost in the morning. It’s all good you know, it’s positive and works if you believe it will. 

It’s now 7am , I’m dissapointed not to actually achieve any sleep last night just so wired with drugs , unfortunately one of the side effects of one drug is tiredness and another drug I’m on is insomnia, oh joy , the two of them are going to have a few battles in the coming months. Which is worse fatigue where your too tired to do anything or insomnia I guess it’s a bit of a viscous circle, one I guess I’ll have to figure out. Well it’s pill time soon only 7 for breakfast. 

Well no doubt I’ll crash at some point today and grab a few hours , but in the mean time everyone reading this have a fabulous day , doesn’t matter if it’s raining , doesn’t matter if your stuck in traffic , doesn’t matter if things aren’t going your way , just be thankful that beautiful heart 💖 of yours is beating and that wonderful intelligence that exists in you all is doing it’s 14 quadrillion things every second and long may it do so.❤️

 

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