Thankful

Bit of a strange blog title for someone who is living with cancer don’t you think? Well the truth is I do have a lot to be thankful for. Cancer is just a small part of my life now, it’s almost as if I’ve decided to live my life now pretending my cancer no longer exists, well as much as possible anyway. Sure every now and then I get a little reminder from within, but something has shifted this pass week or so that I can’t explain fully understand or explain but I would like to share it with you nontheless not to gloat on my own good fortune but to share something that may offer hope for someone out there that needs it right now.

Where has the pain gone?

Where has my old companion pain gone, I woke up up at one point this week and it took me a while to realise I had no pain symptoms, no numb right leg or no dull back pain. both seem to have vanished. The point I really realised it was gone was as I was walking in a supermarket car park about the middle of this week and suddenly thought hey I can feel my right leg again. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to feel any real sensation in my right leg, thanks to the nerve damage done by my cancer. This is supposed to be unrepairable and should only be getting worse yet it’s not and has suddenly started to get better. I had tears in my eyes when I climbed in the ambulance ( I’m an ambulance driving instructor in case you don’t know) where’s the pain gone?. It’s a remarkable feeling suddenly being released from the feeling of being damaged beyond repair. Last September my spine was virtually on the precipice of collapsing. A few very cautious days laying very still dosed up with high levels of steroids and emergency radiation therapy saved me from being paralysed by the cancer attack on my spine which had spread from my Prostate. I remember the oncologist looking me in the eye and telling me Woody I’m very sorry but we can’t undo what the cancer has already done we can only control it from spreading for now but the damage to some of your vertibrae is pretty severe.

At that point I was reserved to be forever fearful of my back never allowing me to live a normal life with out pain. Yet I’m now working full time as an ambulance instructor. I’ve even stopped using the back brace and reduced my pain killers right down, what happened ! Something shifted this week, did the universe suddenly just step in and say he’s had enough suffering let’s give him a break, is it a false dawn, am I being stupid and expecting a miracle. For now I’m just appreciating not waking up expecting pain or waiting for the meds to kick in and carefully getting out of bed in case my numb leg doesn’t support me and gives way. The emotional joy this week has been hard to contain. The only thing that tells me I have cancer is the fatigue after a day’s work. Getting through the front door and then collapsing for 2 or 3 hours of blissful rest is a regular thing but I’m so thankful right now that it’s all I’m dealing with and of course the physical and mental scarring brought on by hormone therapy, but that’s becoming easier to deal with too and is a necessary part of my healing.

Why ?

I keep asking my self why the sudden change, what’s made my body suddenly feel a bit more like it’s old self. That morning I walked around the supermarket car park twice a huge smile spreading over my face, it’s great to have that feeling of pure and utter contentment whilst all around people are rushing and moaning their way through their daily lives. I did it just to save the feeling of freedom from the effects of cancer even if it just lasts tempory it’s just great to have experienced what so many of us just take for granted every single day. Is it going to last?. Who knows I just know I’m going to make the most of it and be thankful and appreciative of what I’ve got.

Strange coincidence

Is it a coincidence that about two weeks I started the Wim Hof program, each day I practice the Wim Hof breathing method for about 30 minutes when I awake and just before bed. I ve also been taking ice cold showers every morning for two weeks gradually increasing the time( I’m up to two minutes now) has all that woken up some kind of healing program buried deeply in my DNA. I’ve read many testimonials from people who claim it’s changed their lives ( not many however suffering from stage 4 cancer)

I also have been following a meditation course by a guy called Dr Joe Dispenza, he healed his own broken and smashed back after a horrendous accident in just ten weeks when every doctor told him he would not be able to survive without major surgery and would likely spend the rest of his life in a wheel chair you can read all about him in an amazing book called You are the placebo. Here is a link to it on YouTube for the audible version, it’s life changing.

https://youtu.be/MWd2rbov8MIhttps://youtu.be/MWd2rbov8MI

A new me

I’ve changed my way of living, my diet, my thinking and I’m a new version of me, Im no longer the scared anxious person who lived his life frightened of so much. This process had already started a few years ago my gut feeling is my cancer started its own growth before that. Ive learned how to control the anxiety in my mind and have passed this on to others in the courses I used to run, I can’t help feeling I have unfinished business with all that in the future. I strongly believe in order to heal I have to change myself from the inside out and I feel I’m doing this in so many ways. Surely the diseases can’t exist in my body without the same environment that raised it in the first place. It’s a medical fact we all have cancer cells just waiting to be deactivated, surely then we can also possess the power somehow to, once activated also deactivate them. I will never stop exploring new ideas and sharing them. For now I’m just thankful for a while at least I feel some kind of reprieve is going on. I may wake up next week at some point back to square one again but at least I know now that by experiencing this week I’ve shown to myself and sharing with you that the the unfixable can be fixed at least for now and if it can be fixed for a short time it’s just a matter of finding the right keys to unlock the internal medicine cabinet I think we all carry within us. Hope is not just a dream it can become a reality if you want it enough.

Thanks for reading and I hope someone somewhere has had a spark of inspiration to beat their own personal mental or physical health battles.

Take care

Love Woody ❤️