Some snow and starshine

Its finaly snowed, nothing that actually stuck to the ground, no wintry picture postcard or alpine vista but for a while a big heavy snow shower painted everything white in a magical coat that lasted for a few minutes before the spring sunshine erased it out. It was as if spring was saying not now winter this is my time, you have had your chance, still it was great for a few minutes and allowed the child in me to return for a while, my heart glowing my eyes glistening and my mind just soaking it in for a new memory to call upon when ever I may need it.

The sky was amazing, with towering white cumulonimbus clouds etched against a brilliant blue back ground as the snow showers rolled in. I sat in my hotel room this evening and just watched these squally snow showers they had travelled all the way from the Arctic on a great adventure painting the world beneath them briefly as they raced over land high up and way above where the birds can fly.

Cancer sure does give me a new vision, my eyes are the same and yet I see things in a different way. sometimes it’s as if I’m brand new to this particular experience like I’ve never seen snow before or a field a tree or a flower, they all look so different now. It’s like I’ve tuned into the latest TV screen with with its ultra High definition clarity. I soak up life like a sponge that just can never get filled , it’s as if I won’t see it again, but I know I will. I’m aware that time is precious so I want to savour each moment and then retell the story later when I return to my peacefull and undisturbed dreams.

Im feeling great, work is going very well although I’m aware it’s tiring me out at night. That’s ok, I’m out travelling around teaching my fantastic students in their ambulances and for once in a very long while cancer has taken a back seat in my life and that is the way I want it to be. It’s great because I’m occupied thoroughly in my days now teaching my marvelous students the skills needed to become blue light drivers. I no longer spend my days searching the internet for a magic cure or trolling through pages and pages of cancer related stuff. Look I’ve got it, but it hasn’t got me, I’ve got a life, cancer can sit back and watch me thrive not just survive and hopefully decide it no longer wants to stick around. I’m at ease not dis-ease.

Work has become the major distraction I needed , I don’t have time for cancer anymore. I sometimes even forget I’ve got it, it likes to remind me when I’m least expecting it. Things like absent mindedly bending to pick something up or tie my laces often wakes it up and it certainly lets me know it’s still about. But I’m convinced that even in those moments recently its power has reduced I don’t recoil in pain quite so much as I perhaps did before, it’s trying but struggling right now to hurt me and I think a lot of that is down to my mind being occupied with something else. I think it’s the only way to beat this, and that is what I’m so determined to achieve, I certainly won’t let it take me easily.

One of the hardest things to comprehend is what is going on inside of me. Are the tumours growing or shrinking? I’ve stopped worrying, well at least for now. When did worrying ever solve anything? Worrying is the creator not the solver of our problems. Cancer patients seem condemned to worry but we must try so hard to not worry. Nobody said this was going to be easy, did they? Work takes away my torment and worry, I can focus on something other than cancer.

If I’m to beat this disease then ive almost got to reinvent my self. My diet has changed completely ive been on a plant food diet since the start of the new year and in particular I’ve given up on sugar as much as possible and my beloved coffee habit has long been exstinguished, I’ve learned that suger is something cancer loves, so no sweet stuff I’m sweet enough as I am thank you😀. I’ve changed the way I see myself, I no longer have any hang ups about myself I am what I am and that’s it. I’ve also changed my thought process, I no longer let anything bother me and I’m the most positive I’ve ever been. I now treat my cancer as just a back stage event, I’m not focusing on it, it’s not the star of the show and I’m trying my best to imagine that it’s not there anymore. It’s not easy but I know that if I’m going to beat it I have to keep telling my subconscious that it’s not significant anymore and that I have the upper hand. By not paying as much attention to it and just living normally is something I’m trying to achieve with the hope that the treatments will carry on working and the cancer cells will be out numbered by the good ones. Who knows, it’s better than thinking any other way for the future.

Ive said many times the future no longer exists and all that really matters is the present. I’ve spent too much of my life worrying about the future and not paying real attention to what is going on right now which afterall is really what matters.

I do think that so far I’ve been lucky, I’ve joined a few cancer forums and it’s sad how many people are having a terrible time. I try to spread positivity, I think that there is a lot of despair and lack of hope and I can’t  do anything except say a few words of positivity. I feel like just giving out my number and talking too everyone but I know that this just is not possible.

I have my ups and downs the downs are becoming fewer and fewer , which is why I’m so in incredibly grateful for my own situation right now but I also feel guilty for feeling this way when so many other people are suffering from various forms of this terrible disease and it’s nastiness.

Im looking at the stars, it’s clear and bitterly cold but I’m outside with my head in the sky maybe making a wish on a shooting star. The stars hold such beauty for me, they are just incredible and I’ve spent many hours of my life looking up, completly lost in the moment. It’s so comforting that each and everyone of us can see this magical show that’s totally free and is a different story every single night as the stars act out the greatest show on earth.

I watch a star glowing red, sad to think that that star has already gone and been vanquished from its place where it’s been sat for millions of years but we will still see it’s dying starlight for thousands of years more to come.

A shooting star catches my eye It’s incredible to think that this could be a small rock that’s hurtling through an infinite black space with no beginning or no end. The stars in the galaxies make us seem so special and yet insignificant, any one out there can you see me or can you sense my thoughts as they bounce around the universe, can you help me.

Wow its cold tonight, the type of cold that takes my breathe away but makes me feel so completly and utterly alive. The coldest weather of the winter and it shows up eventually the day before April.

Time to go back inside, my short walk and exploration to the stars is over for tonight, my room is warm and cosy, I’m thankful for that, my bed is nice and warm and hugs me tight as close my eyes on another day that I’m truly grateful to be alive. I close my eyes and fly high amongst the stars, my dreams are full of safe and warm things no more nightmares for a while my cancer no longer attempts to disturb me at night and for that I’m grateful. Tomorrow will be a new day full of possibilities you only have to look at the stars to believe all things are possible.

Love Woody ❤️

I’ve decided to create a Facebook group for people suffering from cancer. The aim is to share positivity and hope to people their friends and family.

Please feel free to share the link below to anyone you know who may need somewhere to go for a more positive and compassionate experience

https://www.facebook.com/groups/3165326283680538/?ref=share