Mindfulness, deers and a good day at work
Monday morning, a new week another chapter. I’m working in Guildford today for the South East Coast Ambulance Service. It was a pleasent drive in. The night held on today for a bit longer, struggling to let go. The fog replaced it. I don’t mind fog. I used to hate it. I now see fog as a calm blanket, even if it’s cold outside. A blanket that covers everything it touches and sometimes in the winter glazes everything in a thin glaze of ice. The traffic was light so I was able to take in the magical transference of dark to light.
That thin light line on the horizon a mixture of oranges and light blues as the sun turns the light on that suddenly grew and grew and became everywhere as yet again day chased the night away and became supreme. I’m always surprised how the night becomes day so suddenly. A new day a new beginning.
I’m feeling good, awake and happy to be welcoming the new week with open arms. I used be a Monday hater, now I love it. The mindset is different now I have cancer. How can I hate Mondays anymore. Monday’s are the same as any other day of the week. A chance to meet new people, maybe! A chance to discover something amazing who knows what each day will bring to my story of life. I have no time to sit around complaining I’ve got stuff to do. My thinking is this what can I do today that makes a ripple in the pond of life, what can I do that makes the world a little better in some way, it may just be a small kindness to someone, it may seem insignificant, but every kindness has a domino effect and that effect spreads in so many ways. One random act of kindness can change the world.
Today we decided to stop for lunch at Richmond Park. Two of my students hadn’t been there before. It’s like an oasis of countryside in the middle of a large sprawling metropolis. You can leave the town walk through the gates and it’s like you’ve stepped in to a different world away from the hustle and bustle of urban life.
If you have never been there before and you like country parks then you should. I sat and looked around the vast park, warmed by the sun, it’s just a fantastic place to go and just kick back and loose yourself for a while. The park is home to hundreds of deers who just coexist with us humans. There are hundreds of young deers in large herds most of them just grazing, ever alert. I see a herd running, what a magnificent sight they are so graceful and agile, I watch them and smile at another of nature’s free to watch shows. It seems we have both adapted to each other, they graze where they wish and generally take no notice of us unless of course you offer them food. I sit on a table for a quick cup of decaff coffee, a large one eyed raven jumps into my table, he’s not afraid of me ,he’s searching for scraps of food with his one good eye. I look at him, I wonder what happened to him and inquisitively looks at me. He looks like he’s a warrior, he’s been in some battles. We are both warriors fighting our own battles.
It’s a great place to just sit down close your eyes and relax with a bit of mindful destressing breathing. Mindfulness is one of my key methods of relaxation, it takes me far away from thinking about what my cancer might be up to.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is so misunderstood. You just have to find somewhere quiet , sit down or lay down and close your eyes. Now just focus on the pattern of your breath as it goes in through the nose and out through the mouth. You can focus on rise and fall of your chest, this has the same effect. Don’t expect to not have any thoughts, the act of being mindful is to recognise your thoughts, don’t try to stop them. When a thought appears just return your attention to your breathing. After a while you will find that with regular practice the thoughts will start to slow down. It takes time, the key to being mindful is not trying too hard to being mindful this is why so many people give up. Just do it for a few minutes at a time, keep practicing and you will soon start to notice yourself becoming calmer than perhaps you used to be.
Today was good, a reasonable journey home, I’m tired but grateful for being able to still do this. I sat in my car when I got home this evening and just closed my eyes and thought of the good things that are going on in my life right now. My cancer of course is not one of them but I am so determined to live my life my way and not be controlled by this illness for as long as I can. The cancer has been rather kind to me today, but every now and then it’s sends a wake up call, a pain messenger with an express delivery to my back and my leg, just to confirm to me that it’s still around. It’s like it’s trying to say hey Woody don’t you forget about me, I think it’s doesn’t like being ignored.
Another day just being thankful for being alive, another day when so much is to be grateful for that I may have taken for granted in the past. It’s days like these which just strengthens my resolve to hang about on this beautiful place called planet earth just a bit longer. I will continue being positive about this illness, I will continue to be kind to as many people that I meet and I will continue to be grateful for having the life experience I’ve had and I’m having. No angry pissed off cancer cells are going to take this away from me.
I was listening to a guy named Deepak Chopra, he’s a doctor who practices something called Ayurvedic medicine. It’s quite fascinating and explains a different way we should understand how our bodies work and combine with the universe. Did you know your whole skeleton gets replaced gradually and constantly. You are literally not the same person you were last year in so many ways. Perhaps my cancer cells will of had enough of me and be replaced by new healthy cells, I believe the universe is capable of doing that, we hear of such miracles of healing and spontaneous remissions. Keep your fingers crossed for me please.🙏
Tonight my knee is the focus of my pain it’s about a 6 out of 10, the worst pain for a while. I think it’s trying to stop me from believing myself. I laugh at it and focus instead on my good knee and strangely it gives up the fight with me. I understand this mind body connection. My cancer thinks it’s winning but I’ve got a few aces up my sleeve to deal it just when it thinks it’s got the upper hand. I’ve learnt quite a bit about pain in the last year. I’ve always been a real wuss when it comes to pain. I understand how it works now. I’m no longer so troubled by the pain or even the thought of pain, as long as I dont let it believe that it’s got me. I can twist it around to say that in a bizarre extraordinary way that I’m grateful for the pain because it means I’m alive but the truth is, between you and me, I’m not. Of course I’m grateful for being alive but if I had the choice to do it without pain I would most definitely not need to phone a friend for the answer , I would much rather be alive without the pain one million percent.
Tired now, so will have an early night , I can feel my eyelids getting really heavy. My leg has calmed down a bit to be honest I don’t think anything is going to stop me sleeping. I’ve just finished drying off after a really nice hot shower, no sooner am I dry when a particularly strong hot flash hits me ( the joys of hormone therapy) It’s like my whole body is on fire🔥. I close my eyes and go to one of my favourite beaches in my imagination . I visit one whenever I want to relax. I feel the sand. The heat of the imaginary sun is exaggerated by the hot flash it makes it seem so real. The last thing I’m hearing are the gentle Mediterranean waves as they kindly sing me to sleep.
Good night wherever you may be
love Woody ❤️
I enjoy reading your posts. Your beautiful writing soothes my soul. There two things that helped me with my hot flashes- one is a neck fan and the other is a chillow. Both are on Amazon. The chillow really cools me so I can sleep and the neck fan helps during the day. Keep writing my friend, therapy for the two of us.