Standing on mountains

Since the day I started living with my cancer I discovered that there is nothing more powerful than when a group of human beings form a group and move mountains. In numbers we are unbeatable we are amazing and we are formidable.

What makes me write this I hear you ask. Last year in December Prostate Cancer UK asked for volunteers to raise money by walking running or jogging 30 miles in January. I, fresh off my exhilaration of raising money for the Samaritans signed up straight away and off I went. Everyday I had to walk at least a mile. I think I finished it in about 2 weeks. What I didn’t know was that so many people just like me were signing up to take part in the challenge. I received a lovely email from Prostate Cancer UK  yesterday saying the result of the January fundraiser was that they raised an incredible £1226,476

Here is a short video from Prostate Cancer UK to say thank you, I say thank you from the bottom of my heart too because without people like this the chances of me surviving would be non existant.

Over 1 million pounds just asking  people to walk run or jog the equivalent of a marathon in one month. This is the power of human togetherness, when we are asked to help we respond in incredible ways.♥️

A long walk

Yesterday I opened the front door and started walking, nearly 3 hours later I was back at home again, feeling a bit sore but equally happy and contented. I love the freedom of opening my front door and not planning where I’m  going to go, That feeling that the world is out there and I can go where I like, obviously by foot I’m subjected to how many km I can do but the freedom is still there nonetheless. the wind was fresh and invigorating as it has been so often this week, the clouds were scurrying across the sky, in a great hurry to go somewhere. I wonder where!

I was wrapped up warm, and off I set, into the unknown. I swear I only set out to walk down to the river and back, which is around 3km. I didn’t intent to walk over the river all the way into town and back again a grand total of 11.41 km.

The time just seemed to not exist as I got carried away with my journey. A very poignant moment hit me as I was crossing the Medway bridge, the traffic was loud so I cranked the  music volume up to maximum a playlist from spotify called 100 motivational songs was playing which is very good. The song You lift me up by Josh Groban came on and I fucking went for it (sorry mum I haven’t sworn for a while on my blog) I screamed out the tune at the top of my voice, as if I was the only one in the world at that very moment. It lifted me to places Ive never been before.

That will be a memory, a unique experience that will stay with me forever. I was screaming the song and crying my eyes out, all emotions had been let go, no holding back it all just came out, in fact ive got tears in my eyes writing this as if the emotions are in my keyboard as I type each letter. Well that was just amazing, then the next tune that came on was Eye of the Tiger, i swear I was running up those steps with Rocky, I felt every bit of his emotion his fire and passion. surely a bit of cancer has no chance against the power of human emotion. I was fully charged up and for the next part of the journey I kept reciting my mantra. Every day in every way im getting stronger and stronger, every day in every way im getting better and better, every day in everyway my cancer is growing weaker and weaker.

Well it’s the next day and I can feel every one of those 11km in my right knee and hip, but it’s not to bad if I don’t pay attention to it. Today I decided it would be wise to take a break from walking, I was definitely feeling it.

Veggie Currie

I brought a jar of vegan curry sauce today, fried up cauliflower, onions garlic carrots and a huge red pepper  lots of chilli flakes and ginger for about 10 mins. Poured the sauce over it and bingo the best curry I’ve ever had.

I’ve had a lot of curries in my life, in fact if I’m ever an expert on something then making and eating curries is my forte. Well this curry was amazing, I’m not banging my own drum, well obviously as most of the taste came out of a jar but my god I now know I can eat veggie curry with out looking at it with regret and a little bit of hate in the fact my diet has taken out some of my most favourite things. I’m getting over it gradually, I’m learning to like the taste of oat milk on my cereal and almond milk in my decaff coffee. I’m proud of myself to have kept up a totally plant based diet since before Christmas
All right Woody don’t get too carried away son it is after all only February , well nearly march actually.

Accidental unintentional vegan bickies😁

I started thinking of the things I’m missing, the kids are rubbing my nose in it in a very lovable way of course. Daddy can’t eat cake, that means we divide it into 3 instead. Kids can be so evil😃. I’m a biscuit hound, I used to be easily able to demolish what ever was in the tin. Hobnobs are my favourite. Then I discovered that some biscuits are actually unintentionally vegan. What a win, what a Brucie bonus, all of a sudden I have been given carte blanche to raid the tin again. For any vegans reading this I discovered these biscuits that are vegan but not intentially , the list is surprising, so here is a few.

Chocolate bourbon creams. When I discovered this I nearly feinted with disbelief , 5 bloody months we’ve had tins of these and I’ve been avoiding them remorsefully like the plague only to find out they are vegan, yes back of the net.

The biggest goal has to be my all time no 1 biscuit, yes the hobnob is indeed praise the lord vegan. Not only that but also the chocky ones are vegan too, hallelujah! Well that’s two of my all time favourites, surely there can’t be another top 10 favourite that’s accidently vegan. Dark chocolate digestives, from Tesco, thank you Tesco’s I can now dunk to my heart’s content. One more which again is an all time favourite , drum roll please, Oreos are vegan too, that’s it my life is complete. No longer will I begrudgingly look longingly into the biscuit tin and cry, now it’s dive head first in and yum yum.

PSA test time

Here we go again, it’s difficult to explain how I feel today it’s the monthly PSA blood test that seems to be coming around faster and faster. This test is the litmus test of how I’m doing. I sit here and can’t help thinking, has the cancer woke up,what is this pain I’m getting in my knee and right hip, I’ve got some strange sores on my scalp that weren’t there before, all of this just adds to the torment that us cancer sufferers go through.

Today I can’t distract myself, the pain in my hip is new and unwelcome. It feels wrong and nasty. I can take the pain, I’ve learned to divert my mind away from it. I can laugh at it and tease it. What I find difficult is stopping thinking what’s causing the pain, this is hard because it can only be in my case the cancer has woken up or the damage I have in my spine is pressing ever more relentlessly on my nerve.

Despite all this shit I remain positive for 99% of the time. It’s just that 1% that just hangs about in mind like an uninvited guest. That 1% sometimes feels more powerful than the 99%. I have to distract that thought, that annoyance that won’t go away. It’s 2 hours and I get my blood test results. I can’t just sit and wait and so I go for a walk.

My walk is slightly different today, I have a sadness in my walk, the sky is as dark as my mood. I search for the sun but it’s firmly imprisoned behind bars of angry dark clouds. The rain is falling, it’s cold and icy rain hits my face. There is snow mixing in. I walk for 30 minutes despite the cold I’m sweating from the hormone flush, I’m shivering and baking at the same time. I get home, I didn’t find any release from Mr 1% he’s still nagging in the parts of my mind that I try to keep closed, locked up with no key to let it out. I must do something, come on Woody you are the bloke that tells everyone how to calm an anxious mind, bloody fraud I say to myself.

The phone suddenly wakes me from my mindlessness it’s the hospital, I hold my breath but try to talk at the same time. It turns out that yesterday’s blood results have been mixed up. She tells me apologetically, she says there’s been a cock up at the lab and quite a number of tests went missing. I tell her not to worry we arrange for me to pop in tomorrow morning and redo the tests. She says thank you for being so nice, I’m the kindest person she’s talked today. Most of the other patients are upset and have had a go at her. I feel instantly better as we say goodbye and I’ll see you tomorrow.

I feel revived. Just by being kind to someone I’ve snapped out of my own lowness as if by magic the sun comes bursting through its dark prison walls and is free again. I sit out side, thankful for being alive, Mr 1% is losing the battle and is slinking away back into a corner like a naughty child in my mind. The blue sky is just beautiful, it’s moments like these that make you realise how lucky you are. I’m alive , I’m lucky. Today has been a challenge, in these times you have to find something to overcome the bad stuff. You have to stand up and tell your cancer to sit down. It’s days like this that you realise you really can stand on mountains.♥️

Take care and be kind 🙏

Love Woody ❤️