Back to work slowly slowly

Tomorrow I go back to work in some meaningful way. It feels good to be wanted, because that is what work really is people want you to do something for them. I’m excited because it’s been about 4 months since I’ve spent a Sunday evening getting things ready to go to work tomorrow.

It’s not that ive felt unwanted it’s just I haven’t felt wanted if that makes some kind of sense. Being at home all of this time is like being in some kind of limbo. Just waiting for something, but not really sure what that something is.

I’m looking forward to putting on my uniform, my boots trousers shirt and jacket all ready to go, waiting for someone to get in them, it’s been a while since they were worn. 👢🧥

I’m not going full on back, just a few days a week to build up the process to see if my body can cope with it, I think it will I’ll never know untill I do it. There was a point when I never thought I would be able to see this day, it was only about 6 weeks ago when the oncologist was explaining the cancer is agressive but you should just get on with life and do what you can.

The 4 months have flown by, a third of a year being diagnosed with cancer, where has that time gone?

I’m so looking forward to being back involved with driver training in the ambulance service , I’ve missed it.

Of course the thoughts come back, am I going to be able to do the role, is my cancer infected back going to be able let me sit in an ambulance travelling at high speed.

I imagine everyone who has had a cancer diagnosis thrown into their life, because that is exactly what it is, thrown straight in like a bomb, they must have these thoughts it’s just natural. To be honest I feel great both physically and mentally, it’s the fear of it going wrong that worries me, what if I can’t do the job.

I feel confident that I can continue with my role as a driver trainer. Keep thinking positively Woody I tell myself. I need to have a quiet word with my cancer tonight, I need to tell it that I need to go back to work and please don’t try to stop me. Lately it’s not been bad to me, my back and right leg seem to be ok. I’m actually being weened off some medications to see what works and what doesn’t.

Another walk

I went for another long walk today just under 6km I believe, just to a get a few packets of couscous, crisps and a bunch of bananas, it sounds crazy to you no doubt that I walked all that way to buy just a few things that we are not desperate for.

I did it because I can do it, I can walk with no pain, it’s a great feeling, sure I’m tired after, but so would most people be. I could of jumped in the car, it would have been so much easier and between me and you I was really close to doing just that, but something inside told me to walk. I could of walked a much shorter route but I would have missed the beauty of the river along the way.

It’s good to talk

I’ve been in contact with someone else who has prostate cancer, it’s great to talk to someone about their point of view, he’s had it for quite a few years now and gave me a great deal of hope going forward. I do feel grateful that someone took the time to have a chat, talking is such a powerful thing in Absolutely any situation. Just talking to someone can completely change your thoughts about something, so if you are reading this blog thank you for the chat and I look forward to the next one.

Life has a strange way of changing the way you think about stuff , if you take something away from someone they appreciate it more. I certainly appreciate a lot more about life than I used to. It’s so important not to live life wishing for the time to go by quickly, I now want life to go in slow motion from now on, I will say hello to people I pass, I will chat to anyone who just needs someone to talk to, I will take in the beauty of our world instead of just be going somewhere.

My mind is full of all sorts of thoughts right now, I need to empty it or I won’t sleep. As I lay down in my bed, I feel like an excited child on Christmas Eve, that feeling of apprehension, what if I don’t get the presents I want, I’ve been a good boy so I think I deserve what I’m asking for. 🙏

It’s just after 10pm and I’m hoping an early night will work , I’m up at just gone 6am , it’s been a while since I’ve seen that time of day. It will be good to see the sun rise, it’s been a while since ive actually been out and seen the sun rise. I’ve laid in bed whilst the sun is rising back in the days where the meds were stopping me from sleeping, so this will be different. The sun rises 1 minute earlier each day now and of course it sets 1 minute later each day , there’s some useless information that you might need to know 😄

Well must go now if I don’t put the phone down I’ll never get to sleep.😴

Good night and sweet dreams ❤️