Living with my cancer it just kicked me where it hurts

My cancer is highly aggressive , out of 10 it’s a 9, how do you deal with that shit, sorry mum I make no apologies for any bad language I use for the next few minutes. Right now I feel Ive just been sentenced to death with no chance of parole, the grim reaper is sharpening the sythe, the bastard. I suppose 9 is better than 10

I knew it was bad but not quite that bad, it is though still just a number and I’m damm sure the universe doesn’t deal with numbers they make no difference to that sort of power. So I’m asking for a miracle universe , I’m asking a lot of questions right now. What do I do ,where do I go, help.

How do you decide who gets the miracles, I’ve never hurt anyone in my life , surely that scores me a few points doesn’t it. I’ve been kind to so many people can I get a few more points for that. I can’t control the tears so it’s difficult to type but I must get this down because this blog is real. Tears for fears.

My world is a washing machine on full spin mode, I’m spinning with it holding tight because I don’t want to fall off.  The roller coaster has just reached the top of the ride, you know that bit where you get a half second to mentally write your will before it plunges down, this one is diving and diving into some kind of dark abyss, I’m not enjoying this ride, there is no sun just dark. 

I’m going to select a random radio station and see what’s playing is there a message for me. I turn the dial on my wheel random tune comes up and it’s The Jam Town like Malice , honestly one of my all town favourites, I Google the words right now 

“Better stop dreaming of the quiet life, ’cause it’s the one we’ll never know

And quit running for the runaway bus ’cause those rosy days are few

And stop apologizing for the things you’ve never done

‘Cause time is short and life is cruel but it’s up to us to change

This town called malice”

Wow some of those lyrics are so relevent right now.

The Jam, just brilliant the universe must of done that look at the lyrics 

Cause time is short and life is cruel but it’s up to us to change.

The doctor’s last words today we’re Keith it’s up to you now , dont stop life do what you want.

The rollercoaster has stopped diving and is rushing back up to the sun, this is my life ☀️

Ok time for me to get off the pitty runaway bus and drive home and live my life to the max. I feel much better after getting that out , it’s like you are my invisible councillors, thanks for listening to me.❤️

I will go and spend some quality time this afternoon with the kids they will be getting unconditional non negotiable hugs whether they like it or not. Cancer can’t stop me doing that it can fuck right off. I chose to fight, I chose to fight harder than anyone has ever done before, I’ll give you 9 out of 10 you bastard, you will not know what’s hit you when I’ve finished.

I will do the opposite that cancer wants , if it wants me to lie down I will stand up defiantly 

If it wants me to stop walking I will walk a fucking marathon

If it puts me in pain I will just laugh at it 

You can’t beat me cancer I have the universe on my side 

I swear ❤️