The biopsy adventure, oh joy

Now at least  they have seemed to start having the desired result and the leg numbness and pain has died down now, great, but as with a lot of this stuff you find each tablet robs Peter in order to pay Paul. Well Paul is certainly getting his payday right now, the tablets are causing really bad sleepless nights and horrible mood swings,I feel light headed and confused a lot of the time, it’s all great you know in the life of a cancer patient😢

Tomorrow is the next stage in the treatment, I’ve got a lovely biopsy in places that don’t need mentioning, can’t wait😢 but as with everything you just have to see the positives on this, why is it happening, well it’s all about finding out what type of cancer it is and how to treat it further down the line. I thougt prostate cancer was just well know is prostate cancer, but apparently they are all unique to each host.

I do hope it remembers my kindness talks to it from the early stages of this adventures and is repaying the kindness. Well if not the universe will see to it 🙏

I also have the mood swings, this is the real difficult bit, the tablets are causing mood shifts and it’s horrible because the only contact with people are my wife and two daughters. The people I love in my life, it’s not fair on them,I feel the moods and pray they don’t have too much of an affect on my girls. I can’t help it and all I can say is sorry the tablets control me not the other way around.😢

I’m going to try for an early night,good I need the sleep, I’m feeling like a zombie, so I’m up early and please a few hours of sleep would be good if your listening oh God or Goddess of sleep.

We’ll see ❤️

Thank you , it worked, j said a few words to ye gods of sleep. I wonder if gods and universe are the same thing or just relatives.

Been watching the serious Brittania so my head is full of the ways of the Gods , what a great series, wierd but utterly brilliant.👏

Not a bad nights sleep, which is great so now getting ready to go to the hospital. That’s the best sleep for a while. Feeling nervous , and a bit lost, but I know that I’ve got to keep positive and just recognise that this all for the good of my future.🙏♥️

Post biopsy 

I won’t lie that was not the most pleasurable of my life’s experiences. Took about an hour in total, but was made so much more bearable by the fantastic nature of the nurses. It’s probably the most embarrassing situations I’ve ever been through and I can sympathise with any one either giving birth or having this type of biopsy.

In a strange way it was nice to be in the hospital again, I’ve been stuck at home for too long and I won’t lie but it’s really difficult to cope with the thinking that comes along in this situation. It’s too easy to start overthinking and catasprophising everything. I’ve found the way to deal with it at home is to try and get my mind occupied with things, I’ve done some cooking, today it’s going to be a nice healthy carrot and potatoe soup, I’m still editing my book for learner drivers, did not realise how long that would take, but it’s nearly done, and of course thank goodness for Netflix and Prime on the TV. 

I’ve also gone on line a downloaded a few free courses , it’s surprising what’s out there when you know where to look. 

I’m currently doing a Tony Robbins multivation course which I purchased years ago and never got around to doing it. It wasn’t cheap either. I also now Lok at a lot of stuff on YouTube that is all about cultivating a good feeling, I’ve dropped the cancer stuff that’s in the hands of the universe.🙏 Well and truly.❤️

Yet despite all that I did miss the hospital and it’s real human to human interaction, I think I’m the type of person that really needs that in their lives and although screens are great it’s not the same.📺 I have to say writing this blog is also a considerable source of comfort and relaxation, I hope it is to the ones reading it too, I’ve had some amazing messages.

I once again had chats with nurses, Carlo stands out as being another fabulous human being who could not do enough to make me feel better before and after the procedure. 

The nurses all of them angels in my opinion in the procedure room got my whole life story I hope they recover well 😂 I honestly do not know how they do this day in day out, it can’t be the most pleasant experience for them either. ♥️

I ended up chatting to an old chap with a sore penis who wouldn’t leave me alone, I’ve always been the one who must be attractived to let’s just say strange but equally lovely people. Most people try to avoid those people that just seem to chat nonsense, to be honest I didn’t really get a lot of what he was trying to say to me, but I’m glad to just be an ear that he can express his thoughts too.

I often in my life have found myself as a sounding board for people who just want to chat. I can remember sitting in bars and cafes and someone would just come and chat, I wonder if I look vulnerable or just inviting 😮

The way you think is what you get, I never asked for any of this but I fully recognise that I’m in control with how I chose to deal with it.

I’m just on my way from hormone therapy and came across a traffic jam, I noticed the person behind getting really stressed out. This is a perfect example of how your inside out thinking creates your experience, that person was having a bad time because of how they were dealing with the situation. It wasn’t the situation although it does seem like that way. The thing is if it was the traffic jam we would all be feeling and creating the stress through our thinking. Of course no one knows the consequences of that traffic jam to the person, but one thing for sure is it was uncontrollable and getting stressed will not make 100% difference to the outcome, maybe we should think a lot more like that and cut out more of the stress in our lives.🙏 The simple fact is that there could be 50 people in that queue and 50 different lots of thinking going on.

This could be the same in any of lives curve balls that are chucked at us. 

I really miss my old life training the wonderful students to drive ambulances and prey I have the opportunity to do this again as soon as possible. My colleagues are often posting about what’s happening on the various courses , yes it makes me jealous, but still gives me the urge to get back into it again. I realise how lucky and privelidged I was to be in that line of training so I’m  Keeping my fingers crossed for this and staying positive, what will be will be, come on universe please help me out here. What’s another miracle♥️