A great weekend full of love and positivity.

The weather was at times so dull that we had to put the lights on, I liked that too because it felt cosy and nice, whilst we were all warm inside our house.There were even times when the eating was on, winter is coming Jon Snow.

My girls are now off for 2 weeks and I’m looking forward to spending some quality time with them. Not that I haven’t already but two whole weeks sounds like a good thing, the girls have been great , they don’t ask questions, but I’ve told them if they need to know something just ask. They know daddy has cancer of course but they don’t know how serious the situation is though and that’s the way I want it

My thoughts are gravitating towards Mondays doctor face to face meeting as they call it. I must try as hard as I can now to get that meeting out of my thoughts because I’m not going to lie, I’m a bit frightened. I’ve not been scared of anything so far but this is scaring me, can you blame me but then I realise it is only a thought I’m having and that thought is changing my feeling to one of being frightened, let’s wait a while for a new thought to come in. 💭

I find this works when I’m feeling anxiety I go quiet try not to focus on anything other than my breathing and wait for a new thought to take over and then I follow that thought. It’s strange but the new thought is never negative if it ever is I watch it just like a cloud as it floats out of my mind. This is all down to years of mindfulness practice and I need that now.🙏

Well this meeting basically is going to tell me the result of my recent bone scan actually it was 3 weeks yesterday and recent PSA Blood test result

Prostate specific antigen (PSA) is a protein produced by the prostate gland in men.In prostate disease the PSA escapes from the confines of the prostate gland and enters the blood stream. 

The safe number is low single figures 4 or 5  my first test was 250 plus so let’s hope that the drugs have reduced it.

It’s Saturday and I’m determined not to spend all weekend worrying so I will do stuff to distract me. 🤔

I’ve got a builder coming round to give me a quote on fixing the garden fence it’s leaning at a really precarious angle and the next good storm is going to bring it down,  I’m reminded of my favourite group the style council from back in my youth and the immortal song Walls come tumbling down , what a band led by the legendary Modfather himself Mr Paul Weller but DC Lee backing has the voice that just does something to me ( parden the awful pun 😃) 

Where was I, yes it’s now 1.30 pm and a ring on the doorbell and my first builder has turned up for the estimate to fix the fence. In he comes and it’s clear within a few minutes that I like this bloke , it’s important to me to like someone whose working on my home. 🏡

 Perhaps it’s just me or is it that a nice person leaves a bit of them in your home when they fix it. Who knows it’s just feels right to me to like someone who’s fixing a home that gives protection to your family.👨‍👨‍👧‍👧🏡

It’s also clear that I’ve got another soul that wants to tell me stuff and tell me stuff he does, I guess I’m the first person that’s listened to him for a real long time. I don’t know what it is lately but he told me all about his mum who he lost at an early age and how he gets on without her he was basically her carer as he grew up poor kid. 

Somehow the topic got to me and why I’m stuck at home all week, I swear I had no intention of telling him about my own illness, but somehow out it came. 

What the hell is going on here , the only thing I can surmise is it was meant to be that both of us told each other our stuff and leave it at that after all there are no accidents in the flow of the universe just what was meant to be 🙏

Well I decided if the quote is ok I’ll use this guy , there is still something that tells me we have unfinished business and it’s more about me helping him.🤔

What ever is running through me it’s giving me an overwhelming desire to just help people, I can’t explain it, it’s been there for a while now long before this all started but the strength of it is increasing all the time. I feel a need to do something good through ever fibre of my soul. ⛑️

Am I making up for lost time, I don’t know. I do know that if the universe gives me a few more years I will make a difference 365 days a year that’s my mission. Every day is precious. Every day will be lived as if it’s my last. 💯

The quote came through, quite a bit higher than I thought , I told him exactly that , I’ve got two more tomorrow so at least I can see if they are in the same ball park, I hate the the thought of being ripped off by this guy and secretly I’m hoping that the other two quotes are in the same price range , let’s wait and see.💰

Sunday

Today I wanted to spend some time at the local lakes, I know I can’t walk all the way around which was one of my favourite walks but just being there will be good for me. I’ve said many times that I love nature and this place is great for that. 

So many dogs here today, 3 little dachshunds all tied to a lovely owner are having a go at any dog that cames with barking distance. 13 deaf dogs with their owners came pass me, of course the dachshund trio went crazy little dog syndrome🐕 A couple of Lazza Apsos strolled pass. Lots of different breeds strolling along its like a crufts show. Star of the show today was a young white long haired Alsation, wow what a magnificent looking animal, he knew it too, so did it’s proud owner a young lady.  🐶🐾

I love dogs and this is a place to come to if you like dogs, simply just sitting and observing the dogs was wonderful, the whole time I was there was a continuous parade of dogs and their proud owners all out for some fresh air on a Sunday morning. 🌞

I would love to have a dog but my work style just has never allowed it in our family. 

The time spent at the lakes today was magical, I loved every second. I think it’s important when your not well to get yourself outside for at least a few minutes a day. 

A little  tributary stream that runs off the lake

I have sat in the sun everyday it’s been out. I have sat outside with a cup of tea, wrapped up in a winter coat at night time too. Tonight there is a real wintry chill in the air, the sky is cloudless and millions of stars are looking down from the universe, I wonder if I’m in their plans.⭐

Monday is D day for me, at 10.20am I have what is known this face to face meeting and this is where I find out the plan of action regarding the next phase of my adventure.🚑

I have done well today to keep my mind off tomorrow after all. I have spent a great weekend with my beautiful wife and my two equally beautifull daughters. I’m a lucky man to have such a lovely family. I’m glad we made it to the lakes, my treatment may well stop me making such trips in the future but I make one promise the lakes have not seen the last of me, I will be back again of that I’m sure. 

Anyone reading this take it from me right now , you get one crack at this thing called life. Right now in the present moment you can change, if you need or want to. Today is a blank page with a story waiting to be written, take that blank page and start writing a new story in your life. Don’t spend time moaning about what you havnt got or what you can do nothing about, that stuff doesn’t matter, does it? 🌞

If it’s not controllable why are you trying to control it. No more I’m not enough there is no one that walks this planet thats not enough. No more I’m not good enough, no more I’m too fat or too thin. No more I’m not confident, strong, brave all these words you created about yourself are replaceable in the next thought you have.🤔💭 Remember be positive kind and grateful and you will become a person who sees life differently .❤️

Get that blank page start now in this present moment and write something remarkable. Every single one of you reading this has got that choice. Start loving yourself forgive whatevers gone on in your past it no longer matters because now is a new start , you create the story of the rest of your life , one page at a time ❤️

A special mention has to go out to our Facebook group boys and girls thank you for making the group such a positive experience for everyone who is suffering on that group , your love and kindness is doing so much to help us❤️