Night thoughts.

Everything is silent, I like this, it feels nice and calm and peaceful, and it’s hard to create bad thinking when it’s like this. 💭

Last night my youngest daughter Nieve performed in her school concert , she was playing the miramba. I couldn’t go, my wife videoed her and to see her up there on a stage with no fear made me immensely proud. Something has happened in Nieve these last couple of months, she has had a shift of confidence like nothing I’ve ever seen before.❤️

It doesn’t make me feel anger or frustration that I maybe won’t see as much of her future or Ella’s as I perhaps I would have expected, but then thats because that would be spoiling the time that we have left, which could be years or months, nobody knows so why spoil this valuable time right now with hate when you can enrich it with love.❤️

None of us can know what our future holds, many of us live our lives regretting the past, well the past is over, it doesn’t exist. If you ever go back to the past , find the good stuff, hold it close. The past can’t hurt you unless you let it, you and only you control that aspect of your life. 

We must live in the present, the only place we can truly change is now. This is where I am, I cant be any where else right now, I’m living each day one rich love filled day at a time, doing this takes away my fear of the future. It’s the only way to be.

I’m living from one day to the next , soaking up everything that I can inside each day. Each conversation I have. So many people have called me in the last few weeks it’s just been incredibly uplifting, every single one of them has added to my positivity gratitude and kindness reservoir. 

I think many of us are scared to call someone who has cancer, it’s that taboo word, I may have included myself in that before this. Well look take it from me don’t be scared, pick the phone up, even just a couple of minutes is like medicine to me. It all adds to the power the universe is going to give us of that I have no doubt 🙏

Today I found my self just staring at a tree outside our bedroom window, ive seen the tree everyday since I’ve lived here. Today was different, hard to explain the wonder of a tree, it’s like I hadn’t  really seen it before. I noticed that just on one side it had started to turn to shades of brown and gold, the trees turn to wardss the sun as it it orbits the earth, just as flowers do, now that’s nature for you. The trees have seen it all you know, they are full of wisdom and I like to think in my child like part of my brain that the tree outside our house keeps an eye on my family, I hope it smiles at my children. 

4am thoughts are not the same as day time thoughts because there are no barriers to the imagination.

 

My cancer is still being kind to me in terms of pain. I’ve heard people in my exact situation have had a much harder time of it than I’m having. Could this be that the positive kindness and gratitude umbrella is protecting me some how, I would love to think it is. ☂️

I can hear my wife has just got up to use the bathroom. She is the one who is struggling, I know she’s struggling to sleep and is taking on everything, I only wish I could do more around the house. I make dinners for us in the evening, last night we had chilli , there’s loads over so guess what we will be having tonight. You know there is something about chilli 2nd time around and curry too, they just seem to taste better, don’t they?😃

Something happened 

I’ve been playing this over in my head quite a bit so let’s put it down in the blog. Things are definitely happening that show me the universe is getting more and more involved in my well being. 🙏

I used to walk past the same house on the corner of my road everyday after work , my car is parked in the car park next to her house. Often as I walked past in my ambulance jacket the kind lady or her husband  would stop me and have a chat. They are from Brazil and I always used to think what a loving family they were it  was so obvious.❤️🇧🇷

I used to like these short and nice chats. About 4 months ago when this all started and I was diagnosed with sciatica she noticed I was often in pain and used to wish me well and hope it clears , sometimes I could barely make it from my car to my house, at the time again thinking it was just a plain old back problem that everyone said will resolve itself soon. 🙏

Yesterday was the first time I had seen her for weeks. She stopped me and said are you ok, we’ve missed you walking past. I said I’m fine I didn’t want to tell her the truth.

Now considering the meds were enabling me to walk almost normally you would think she would have just taken that for the truth and left it that but Instead she walked up to me, her eyes never left mine and said again what’s wrong, she said about three times you can tell me what’s wrong. I blurted it all out that I’ve got cancer and she grabbed me and hugged me in the street for what seemed ages. It wasn’t awkward it was warm and kind and it was pure love ❤️

I believe she saw through me she knew I was seriously ill, she’s a very religious lady and told me I’m in her prayers every day and I will be ok. I couldn’t get this out of my head, she knew I had cancer, not because I looked like I have cancer but some other spiritual guidance had given her the vision of it, of that I have no doubt🙏

There’s been a few other things too but that’s another blog in the next few days.

It’s now 4.03am the world is still and peaceful and silent, it feels nice.🕊️

So goodnight who ever is reading this, keep filling the world with kindness and gratitude and you will be ok, no matter what is going on in your life on the outside , it’s how your thinking on the inside that really matters. ❤️

Someone once said what is most important the journey or the destination, I now know it neither, it’s the company that you keep on that journey. Thank you to every single one of you that is accompanying me on this journey.🙏