It’s been 493 days since my diagnosis of cancer.

I cant believe it’s been nearly 500 days since I was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer. My how time flies when you are having fun..it’s been one hell of a rollercoaster tears laughter disbelief and belief all rolled into one minute at times. Only someone who has cancer can possibly understand the ups and downs the madness the joy and the most amazing array of emotions that come bundled up with this illness. So here I go again with another blog in the life of a man with cancer.

Well Christmas has come and gone a little while now and it’s the middle of January, the heart of winter and so now thoughts turn towards the spring. I’ve noticed that when I leave work it’s now light, I love this as it’s a sign that the long dark nights are changing. The weather however is making up for the summer drought. Rain rain and more rain. I suppose we have to be grateful for it.

My cancer has been rather kind lately I make sure I talk to it every day , nothing nasty just a  heart felt chat with myself. I don’t believe I will ever heal this sickness if I have hate in my heart. Cancer is a part of me I have to treat it with kindness if I wish to change anything. I believe hatred will only cause it to grow much stronger and eventually take over. Every morning on the way to work I talk to myself and of course the universe about the many things that I have appreciation for. The list grows the more I do it the easier it has become to discover the many things I’m grateful for.

I’ve been talking to a few people on my YouTube channel recently it’s been eye opening people now telling me how much the channel is helping them. It’s quite selfish of me because I know it helps me too. You see I’m able to share my thoughts to people in the same boat and sailing on the same sea as I am through calm and sometimes stormy weather. What a privelidge that is to have this amazing thing in my life it’s become a purpose that is growing stronger and stronger knowing I can perhaps make a difference.

It seems there are many out there who are facing this journey by themselves. I’m frightened and I’ve got my incredibly beautiful family and the support of many others. My channel is a platform where firstly I started off just talking about myself pretending to be brave whist inside I’m trying so hard to hold it all together. I realised people need a place to talk to others who are in that same storm. Having cancer can be an incredibly lonely experience despite the people around me.

My inner world has often been thrown into this tortuous journey where thoughts of what happens next and how long have I got have often fought their way into my head. I do my best to suppress them or at least I used to untill now. I’ve realised it’s perfectly ok to have those thoughts, it’s perfectly natural to feel desperatly frightened of the future. I’ve learned also on the other hand the value of having a purpose. My work has often been my purpose in life but now I see a different purpose waking up in me.

Being in the present moment is the most happiest I can be as indeed can anyone be, not to worry about the past or the future that actually don’t exist when you think abou it, is the best lesson I’ve learned. When I’m talking on YouTube I’ve not rehersed what I’m going to say I know if I do that it won’t be the truth. I’ve learned to sit still for 10 or 20 minutes focus on my breathing and not to let my thinking take me any where then when my mind is calm and empty I speak. It’s the se as now as I’m writing this, I write from my heart not my head. I never know what people think of me and that in the past would have stopped me doing this, the fear of what others think holds so many of us back from being who or what we truly could be.

It’s a funny thing but to me having cancer realeases all my fears and inhibition, I can’t be scared of other things when I’ve got the mother of all things in my life that is frightening. Being scared of cancer stops me being scared of anything else. The fear of losing my life trumps all fears and makes them so insignifant. The fear of losing my life opens doors, ones that I might have walked past before all of this started it opens my eyes and allows me to see life how it should be seen. I don’t see it through restrained lenses that are half blind with fear of living I now see life crystal clear like a mountain stream flowing down a gorgeous valley meandering it’s way through many obstacles but never stopping for long to worry about stuff.

As I close up this blog I’m in a good place in my mind. I’ve decided to change tack a bit on my daily mantras. I’ll explain more about this in my next blog. But for now it’s all good, next week is the anticipation of my monthly check ups. This time there is perhaps a bit more riding on it as my last blood test showed a very slight rise in PSA fingers crossed this is just a blip.

Here is a link to the YouTube channel.

https://youtube.com/@Woody1966

So untill the next time be kind grateful and as positive as you can.

Love Woody ❤️