Scanxiety PSA results and coping techniques.

This week I’ve at long last got the results back from my scans some of which stretch back to the beginning of November, it’s a hell of a long time to wait. I’ve learned to put it out of my mind as best as I can. I’ve learned to distract myself from the fear the scans can generate.

Scanxiety is very real, it invades sleep and causes all kinds of images that you don’t want in your head. It seems that every ache and pain is magnified a thousand fold when I’m waiting for scan results and then as if by magic if the results are good the aches and pains go away for a while.

So on to the good news, my meeting with my oncologist was cancelled a few hours before, not the first time. This time her car wouldn’t start so once again we did the consultation over the phone rather than face to face. Fine by me to be honest. I think in nearly two and a half years I’ve only had 3 face to face meetings. I remember the first one so vividly and in particular the image on her computer from the first bone scan. She said all those black bits are cancer, I was shocked I was covered in it. Fast forward to now and the image has just a small black dot on my right pelvis , the rest has all gone.

She tells me it will be back at some point but for now the scans are very positive in my favour. The call gave me great heart. I believe there are things that can’t be properly explained in this world. There are plenty of people who should be dead from various illnesses that somehow are free and alive and well. There are numerous accounts of people almost at the last season’s of life that have somehow recovered and gone on to live long and happy lives.

Anyone with cancer should believe there is always hope. So many people when given the awful news that they have stage 4 cancer roll over and die from it. There is always hope as long as you are still breathing.

Ive Always insisted there is no option for me but to fight. I’ve managed to hold down a full time roll as an ambulance instructor which gives me the day to day distraction I need to keep the cancer wolf from my door.

A large part of this battle is mental, my mind can sometimes drift off to places I don’t want to go. Out of the blue I sometimes find myself thinking what will life be like with no Woody on this planet, where will I go. These thoughts just come in fly about a bit and then disappear as I tell myself not to worry. Distraction is the key. Hours spent on my own will only invite the thoughts and the fears that live in me.

If someone was to ask me the one thing that I would advise anyone with a new cancer diagnosis then the key word I would say is distraction. Do as much as possible to keep the mind from wandering down pathways you don’t want to explore. Find purposes to living and get involved in anything that can distract the cancer mind. Distractions I’ve found helpful are…

• Work
• Watching movies and TV shows
• Walking or some type of physical exercise
• Mindfulness
• Finding funny YouTube videos or stand up comedy
• Being aware of nature bird singing sunrises etc

These things on my list are things I’ve learned help me. Working really takes my mind off cancer. My job means I’m constantly interacting with my students and my colleagues and I have no time to let those horrible thoughts invade my mind. I’ve recently just started my third round of watching Game of Thrones, I find by throwing myself in to a great series like this is a valuable distraction. The story the characters and the plots is like entering a new world in my mind, a world where cancer doesn’t exist at least for a while. Walking is just a massive tonic , just opening the front door and putting one foot in front of the other allows me to forget my problems for a while and just be at one with the world and nature. I love the world around me the weather the animals and birds the clouds the sun, rain and the wind, the whole lot is a healthy distraction. Mindfulness has helped me a lot too, I spend around an hour every day just being in the present moment and focusing on nothing else in the world except my breathing. It leaves me feeling calm and peaceful and rarely do the cancer thoughts invade my mindfulness meditations anymore, they did at the beginning but you have to persevere. There are some great Apps you can use like Headspace, personally I’ve found one called Ballance which works really well for me. Finally comedy, there is nothing so healthy as a good laugh to really forget your problems. You can’t have two emotions at once and you certainly can’t can’t feel anxious whilst having a good laugh at something. There may be other things on the list but these seem to be my go to distractions that have are continuing to work for me.

Just received this week’s blood test results and the one I’m always most interested in is my PSA prostate specific Antigen this one is the one that we all dread and regretfully mine has risen for the fourth month in a row. Should I get anxious scared or even angry, these are the normal emotions that flutter about in my conscious mind. Instead I try to just accept it as something that’s happening and there is not a lot I can do right now to stop this rise.

My thoughts are that ruining my life with anxiety are fear are not going to help me live my best life. I try to just think that worry won’t change things, anxiety will make my life worse so what’s the point I just go on as if I hadn’t even had the results. You could call it burying my head in the sand and hope it goes away but what’s my alternative. It doesn’t in anyway shape or form mean I’m giving up, it just means I’m continue to live the best life possible. I will continue to go to work doing the job I love, I will continue to live a normal life as much as possible. I still believe I’ve got the power to beat this.

Belief is key no one should stop believing.

Love Woody ❤️