Keeping Cancer out of my mind
It’s been too long since my last post and I apologize for that to those of you who like reading them. Remarkably it’s 648 days as of writing this since I found out I have prostate cancer. What reason have I got for not writing for such a long while I think it’s been almost months now, well nothing really, life hasn’t really changed all that much and I suppose you could say that’s a good thing.
Having cancer, especially stage 4 cancer doesn’t mean you can just forget about it though. It’s with me all the time. There isn’t a single day that goes by where it doesn’t fight its way into my thoughts despite my best efforts to erect barriers that tell it thow shall not pass, it simply brushes them all aside in its relentless quest to take over my mind.
Every new twinge of pain anywhere on me is enough to start those alarm bells ringing again. I guess the fear is the longer you go on the less time you have left and that imaginary timer that dwells deep in my mind the sands are constantly running out. Yes, cancer is a bastard (apologies mum) it never really lets go and I try hard to let it go.
Ive come to the by now obvious conclusion that it’s pointless trying to just let it go, it doesn’t want to leave my mind so I must learn to make a place for it untill it finally decides it’s hard enough of tormenting me. I have learned the hard way to accept it and learn from its lessons it’s given me.
If I focus on every new ache and pain it’s going to overwhelm my mind. Cancer of the mind is the hardest battle and it’s only won when you learn to give in and stop fighting it. It’s like trying to stop a fast flowing river with a bucket. The river is relentless and you have to learn to go with the flow, accepting it maybe even learning to welcome it. If you can’t beat em join em is the old expression I used to hear back in the day.
Learning to accept cancer means you don’t have to fight so hard in the mind, what ever happens in the body is, I believe a mirror of what happens in the mind, your thoughts can affect your physiology. Perhaps that’s why the blogs have dried up a bit, I’m not paying so much attention to it now as I was in the early days. Im perfectly aware that I can’t control what’s not controllable in my life but I can have some influence over things by the way I process and think about things.
I’ve been talking a lot about cancer on my vlog. https://youtube.com/@Woody1966. It’s a way to help others and it’s easier for me sometimes to talk rather than write. I’m amazed at how much resiliency there is in the cancer world. A few weeks ago I did something I’ve not done too much of so far in my cancer journey I spent time being with people who also have cancer. I was amazed how open we are. It’s something I want to do more of I signed up to 5kyourway
I walked 5km with two lovely ladies and shared some of the stuff you just can’t share with others. It’s like a band of brothers and sisters we all know how we feel but sometimes it’s just hard to find someone to tell how you feel that actually gets it. I’ve made up my mind to do more of this, I want to join groups and talk to people, I might even be able to help them a bit.
Waiting for results
It’s been a few weeks now since I’ve had a round of scans and now I’m waiting for the results and a meeting with my oncologist on July 13th, god I hope it’s not a Friday🤢. Has the cancer spread, has it gone or is it still the same? These are the things that can often play with my mind. Six days ago I had my monthly hormone injection, these are used to block the making of testosterone in my body and causes all kinds of side effects. This one just gone has taken till today to calm down, normally it’s about 48 hours of discomfort this times been 6 days. All of this of course feeds into the mind
Yes, cancer of the body is tough but when.it spreads to the mind it’s even tougher. By achieving things that you may seem to feel are impossible is one way of dealing with that cancer if the mind. The mind is more powerful than you can ever know you just have to tell yourself you can do it, this applies to anything in life. Your conversations you play out in your mind can hold you up or raise you up. Two weeks ago or is it three, times goes so fast these days, anyway I completed a 19 mile walk. My next walk is joining thousands of people in Battersea Park in July to walk 10 km with people who have prostate cancer. I’m hoping to strike up some interesting conversations on that day, I’m sure it will be extremely emotional.
Well it’s time to sign off again, remember no matter how you are feeling or what ever has happened it becomes much worse if you spend too much time thinking about it. Try to look for the good in life be kind be grateful for what you have and keep positive, no matter what 🙏
Love Woody ❤️
