Living, breathing and loving

Life is for living. Hi, I wrote last week’s blog and then deleted it, I read it back ready to be posted and it just sounded like one big moan. Now don’t get me wrong I’ve probably got a fair few good reasons to have a moan but that’s not what this story is about. My intention when I started sharing my story since my diagnosis was to be positive and so thats what I’m trying to be. I don’t want people to read this and feel sorry for me I’m having it rather good considering my diagnosis or should that be prognosis, I don’t know which is which to be honest.

My main reason for writing this blog has always been to raise awareness of prostate cancer and in particular the PSA test, the other was to get people to realise that us cancer sufferers are just normal people, we are not leppers we can if possible just live a normal life. I’ve heard so many stories of people who upon hearing the dreaded news they have cancer and have just laid down and died, which is actually very understandable yetequally I’ve heard many stories of people who on being diagnosed with cancer decided to start really living, the stories are out there when you look for them, I’m hoping my one falls into the second category. I have a lot to fight for, my wife my children and many other things plus the fact that Im just not ready to.leave this wonderful.place called earth just yet.🙏

When I was told I have incurable metastatic castrate resistant cancer I thought that was it. That was almost a year ago and to be honest I’m doing bloody great. I work full time I live a reasonably normal healthy life around the scans injections and tests that are constantly ongoing. I have a strong belief that the universe is on my side, things have occured that give me that belief and in my mind belief is one of the most powerful things you can possess. None of the meds work without belief and faith in them.

Last week was not a good week, but that’s ok and that’s in the past and rather than share my tale of woe from last week I prefer to close the page on that particular chapter and move on swiftly, nothing to see here folks 😀. The thing I love about the past is that no matter how bad it was it no longer exists it’s gone done with and nothing anyone can say or do can ever change that unless they chose too.

Of course good things from the past are worth clinging on to and keeping alive, they can be simple or magnificent but they are worth holding on to if they help you in the present moment. Bad things rarely help the now I find it easier to just let them go just like distant memories let them become hazy and say farewell but keep the good stuff because that comes in handy for those times when they become your armour.

I suppose by the same token the future doesn’t exist either, it hasn’t happened yet so it can’t be real. Sometimes more often than not our minds are very good at creating futures, particularly negative ones. We get hung up on stuff that’s most likely not going to happen. In my opinion a lot of mental health issues are related to the ongoing fear of stuff happening to us in the future, I know this because I’ve spent quite a bit of my life worry myself to death about the future. It’s kind of ironic that here I am now having been given a death sentence with cancer finally becoming at peace with both the past and future and my world is so much better for it.

The word incurable painted a bleak future for me, how long, what will it be like to die. What happens to me? Believe me I’ve gone through that stuff more than once in my head. The truth is the only thing that really matters is NOW, notice I’ve capatalised it because I’m shouting it out loud. NOW is where I live, not in the past or the future just NOW, one step one hour one day at a time.

NOW is what matters, yesterday is a fading memory tomorrow who knows what it will bring but then that’s the beauty of living. I don’t know what’s next, I don’t want to. I love NOW, I appreciate now and that’s the only thing that really matters or happens. Every breath is a miracle of life, just check out this link I found it’s what you do every single second https://everysecond.io/your-body isn’t that incredible Did you know that each time you smile your brain releases endorphins neurotransmitters painkillers and feel good chemicals and all kinds of chemical concoctions that make us just feel good even if it’s a fake smile One smile has the same equivalent value as 2000 bars of chocolate. You can only smile in the NOW. NOW is When I’m really with my kids my wife and all my loved ones. You can only be in the now when you pay full attention to that moment and your head is out of the past or the future and it’s such a wonderful place to be. Yes I’ve got cancer but that does not have to be everything, I still have a life to get on with and live to the my best of my capability.

Things can seem so bad, they generally don’t end up as bad as we imagine. I’m spending my time living, not worrying about dying, that sadly comes to us all. Something tells me the more I focus on living then the less chance my cancer is going to have of beating me. Incurable means nothing, it’s just 9 letters of the alphabet that’s all nothing else. Incurable means to me giving up, that’s not going to happen as long as I’m in control of my own mind. I live each day knowing there are millions of people far worse off than me. I have a roof over my head , I have food on the table, I have peace in my life, I have love in my heart and I have the most beautiful family, wow how lucky am I all things considering.

I guess that’s all I wanted to say this week. I’m feeling good even if I’m not, I’m happy even if I’m sad, I guess the real value of happiness comes from experiencing sadness first. You have to live life like there is no tomorrow. Live and breath like it’s the last breath. I’m not spending my remaining time waiting for the end. I smile at everything just thankful for the experience of being here.

Take care thanks for listening to my ramblings I hope they help somebody just to think a little differently about their life. Untill next time.

Love Woody ❤️

As usual before I leave I would like to share this message to all men or their partners parents and friends. If you notice your weeing habits have suddenly changed ie you are weeing more frequently or it’s taking longer to wee or you are starting to experience sudden back pack groin or pelvis pain especially so if you are in your 50s upwards but not exclusively so then ask for a PSA blood test. This could save your life.