A nice weekend to be.

The buddhist call the internal chatter that we have the monkey mind , it reminds me of a book I read called the chimp paradox. When the monkey mind is active it’s hard to have focus and concentration.  🙉

Today my Hobbit feet have got worse it’s called Edema and although painless it looks like my feet and ankles belong to a much larger person, apparently this is a side effect to the hormone therapy I’m on. 💉

I’ll settle for Hobbit feet if it’s saving my life but I draw the line at Hobbit ears. 😀

One of the remedies is to lie with my feet elevated the idea is to have my feet above my heart which is not that easy in bed, unless you are some kind of contortionist.🛌

I was watching the news on Saturday morning and it went live just as the three dad’s were finishing theire 300 mile walk to raise awareness of suicide, sadly the three dad’s all lost a daughter to suicide and decided to do something to raise awareness. 

As I was watching the final scenes as they crossed the finish line it affected me in a big way, tears streaming at the scene, I wanted to hug them all, what an incredibly brave and beautiful thing to do. My utmost respect to these 3 men who have made a difference..❤️ 

I’ve just commited myself to complete 30km jogging challenge for the Samaritans, Ive been told I can walk if I can’t jog. I’m going to do iit🙏

It will work out in simple maths 1km per day now that’s all well and good for your average person but I’m starting chemo in a few weeks time so I know I’m not going to be able to do it every day , so I am going to have to make up for the days I can’t do. 🏃‍♂️🚶

Am I a little crazy,? The doctor said I have to exercise, so I’m going to exercise and raise money at the same time for a great cause. What better motivation do I need to get up and do something that is good in this world. ☀️

It’s Saturday my Palace are playing Newcastle who have not one a game all season and have just sacked their manager , so a Newcastle win then😀

Well we played very well and that’s good enough for me. ⚽

My wife dropped me and the girls off at the local pool,  I was just watching, I don’t quite feel confident enough yet to go swimming. 🏊‍♂️

It felt good to watch the girls swimming and clearly enjoying themselves 🏊‍♂️

I have received a letter from kings college hospital , the header is 

Unfortunately due to unforseen circumstances we have changed you appointment with Mr ……. …… on Wednesday 26th January 2022 at 9.15 am , your new appointment is Thursday 11th November 2021 at 2.20pm 

Ok what’s going on here, what is the unforseen change of circumstances. Is it me that has unforseen changes in my condition. I have to hold it together here because my fear of the unknown is taking over here and it’s quite scary to read the letter , what is more scary is that is all it says. 

The house is quiet I put on a YouTube video and I play it through the TV , it’s all about breathing and it’s done by a Buddhist monk who used to be a part of the Shaolin Monastery His name is master Shi Heng Yi the most laid back person I have ever seen.He has videos on YouTube about the Shaolin way of life, very calm full of clarity but you wouldn’t mess with this fella. Here’s a link to his breath work video. If you just want to chill out for an hour this will do it.

The video gives me calm and then I get clarity of thought and finally wisdom takes over.

Wisdom comes in many forms and in this case it’s my wife that shows pure wisdom.🙏

She tells me to stop worrying, there has been no tests or scans for over a month now so there is no medical evidence that something has changed. I think about this and of course my wife is right, well of course someone who is 99.6% right all of the time is bound to be right now, I’ll take those odds.😀

I sat outside tonight, it was a beautiful autumnal evening, the air is clear and there is a hint of frost possible, there are a few clouds painted white by the moon. The stars are clear and it’s just one of those nights when I’m just glad to have the privilege of being here on planet earth.

Sunday 

Because I’m easy like Sunday morning 

I feel much better today Hobbit feet seem to have gone, and the pain in my back has gone down a notch or two , coincidentally ive slep pretty well too..

We are having a chilled out day today, I would love to visit the lakes again. We’ll see.

I’ll be back later …

2.30am today has been a good one

I’m very lucky to live where I do it’s an estate in an old quarry for those of you who may remember the Young Ones TV series they crashed the bus off the cliff down into the quarry which is now full of houses.

We didn’t go to the lakes instead we went to the park which is a short walk from our house, I sat with my youngest daughter and watched the starlings as they gathered in the bushes and trees by the park. They are always there they make a lot of noise it’s like the tree is alive with the birds. 🐦

Starlings are fantastic birds they sometimes gather in large flocks and when the time is right they all as if one perform an amazing show of acrobatic flight skills, it’s as if they are one bird my daughter Nieve thinks they have a queen bird much like ants or bees that just gives the orders. 👑

They call it a murmeration of starlings. They move like a shoal of fish ,twisting and turning as one just for fun. I think they move much like the universe through us.🙏

A blackboard was sitting on our fence when we returned home it was almost as if he was waiting to sing to us, blackbirds have the most amazing  pure song. You can’t be stressed listening to a blackbird when it’s singing. One of nature’s magnificent creatures that sings it’s heart out for the joy of living❤️

I sat outside my garden this evening I had the best cup of tea ever, my yougest said 

“you always say that daddy,”

 I replied “that’s because it is the best cup of tea ever.”

I learnt this some time ago , every thing is the best because if you compare something to something else you will always end up disappointed.

I don’t know who lays claim to that phrase but it’s so true, don’t compare yourself to others. You will always be left wanting.😓

I’ve had a fantastic weekend, quality time spent with my family, it does bring a tear to my eye just how much I love my girls. The tear is not sadness it’s one of joy and hope.💞

My god I’ve got to beat this thing that’s growing inside me. I can feel it more lately, perhaps it’s packing it’s bags, I’m.going to have a chat with it later.💬

My last thing, as I mentioned earlier I’ve signed up to complete the 30 km jog in November to raise money for the Samaritans one of the most important causes right now , did you know they get a call every 7 seconds from someone who is crying out for help. My utmost respect and thanks to the people who take those calls you are angels too.❤️

I can’t go without asking a favour can I? No I can’t 😀

My last check showed that people have already donated almost £400 wow that’s incredible especially as my original target was £175

So I am going to post the link here and if you are reading this blog do the Samaritans a favour and make a donation to this fabulous cause 

even if it’s just a few quid you can press on the link below it should open. With your help I would love to reach £1000 that would be fantastic, but I believe we can do it.💚